Over the last few weeks, I’ve talked a lot about quiet. I’ve been feeling the need to be quieter in my life. Mainly in regards to social media and the vast expanse of the internet. And especially on my iPhone.
Then, last week, my phone dropped onto the kitchen floor and the screen went black. It’s still functioning (because Siri will talk to me) but the screen just won’t work. It’s been five days without my phone and I love it. It’s freeing not to say, “Hmmm. Wonder if it’s cold outside. Let’s check the weather. Oh, it’s 64 and then 66 later today.” As if those 2 degrees make a difference!! It’s so nice to say, “I don’t know the answer to that question. We can look it up later.” I like not searching for coupons or recipes while we’re walking around the store. I like not picking up that thing like a crying child every time it vibrates.
My phone represents an entire to-do list for me–phone calls I need to make, emails I could respond to, tweets, instagrams and facebook updates I could do. It is also an endless source of entertainment, information and mind-numbing time-fillers.
When I have a few minutes of down time my mind immediately wanders to the portal of my phone. What can I do? What can I get into? What can I read? Too many times I pick it up and let myself get lost in it. If I do choose to ignore it’s siren’s call, I find my mind jumping to something else and forgetting that little rabbit trail it wanted to follow. Like if I just jump over that don’t-pick-up-the-phone hurdle, then my mind is fine.
Is this making sense?
Am I the only one who gets bogged down by this black hole of minimally fulfilling entertainment?
Well, as I’ve been contemplating this quiet-ness I want in my life and had this unintentional fast from my phone the last five days, I’ve decided how to I’d like to go forward with my relationship with my iPhone. Here’s what I’ve got so far…
1. A weekly Sabbath.
I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m taking Sunday to use my phone only as a phone and not even crack my computer open. If I can have self-control one day a week, surely that should help my self-control the rest of the week, right?
2. A sleeve.
I got this idea from Heather at Beauty That Moves (and her entire iPhone post was another motivator for this whole thought process). Simply having my phone in a sleeve gives me one more step to accessing my phone. I can’t slip it in my back pocket so it’s at my fingertips. I just bought the case and haven’t seen if this actually works but so far it makes me happy looking at it.
3. No Push Notifications.
This has always been a constant for me. I don’t want my phone telling me every time someone double-taps one of my Instagram pics. Talk about instant gratification.
4. Minimal Apps
When I get my phone fixed (today or tomorrow), I’m going to do an app purge. I already refuse to have games on my phone because I don’t want the kids to play them. But I’m going to limit MY entertainment, too. I have everything from Fandango and IMDB to HootSuite and Facebook. But do I really need those on my phone? Can I live a few minutes without checking to see what other shows Jake Johnson has been in?
5. App Organization
Kat has a genius idea bout organizing apps (as usual, that smart mama). I might do something like that or simply move the apps that I tend to scan and scroll through mindlessly to the last screen so I don’t see them right away.
I also don’t allow screens at the table and don’t charge them in our bedroom. I want to be less tethered to my phone. I want my mind to stay focused on the here and now. I want to be all there. I don’t want my mind to lean on my phone first.
And I want to set the example for my kids, too. I can only imagine that technology is going to be more pervasive and more accessible as they get older. I want to use this time of growth in their lives to be independent of technology.
So, am I the only one? Do you find yourself thinking of your phone first when your mind settles? How do you keep boundaries around your phone and in your life?
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i actually did it… got rid of my smart phone. my one last stronghold was instagram… but i put it on my hubby’s phone and that seems to have worked for me. been two whole months and… i am really doing a-ok! and while sometimes i think i want to go back, i realize that for now, it is the right choice. and it is saving me $$!
AWESOME. So, you have a phone? Just not a smart phone. (They sell those?!!)
a
haha!!! yes… they still sell not-a-smart-phone!! but most of them are more $$ go figure 🙂 but i found a free one 🙂 with a keyboard for texting {which i could NOT live without!!!}
my hubby jokingly calls his phone a dumb phone lol.
We have dumb phones and even though I wanted an iphone in the past, more recently I have seen more and more people wanting ot get rid of them. And somehow, its not as attractive anymore lol
My boyfriend has very strong feelings about smart phones taking over everything! They take over physical relationships and the whole concept of being social in person. He wants to get the word out to more people and open their eyes as to what is really happening! When was the last time you saw kids outside building crazy forts like we all used to do. We need to get together and make a difference. With enough people, we can.
I recently downgraded my blackberry for a phone/text only phone and I love it! Now when I go out with my kids, I’m really “THERE” them, not constantly worried about what’s happening on fb, checking in on fb, posting a photo to fb…you get the idea 🙂
Yes, that silly phone can make you be somewhere else! LOVE that you downgraded.
a
http://teachinglittleonesathome.blogspot.com/2013/04/deeper-meaning-your-idle-moments-psalm.html
The Lord had been talking to me about this kind of thing. In fact I just posted about it at 3.30 this morning!
I want a good app that blocks me from getting to certain apps and at certain times from my iphone -like blocking on the computer. Do you know of any! (Asks the girl reading from her iPhone while waiting in line at target!!!)
I have been wondering that, too. I use leech block on my computer but haven’t heard of an app for that.
a
I really like the ‘Forest’ app. You “plant trees” and it helps me stay off my phone. I compete with myself (if you clock out of the app, the tree dies), but you can also see the times logged by every other person who has the app. You can also see your forests from each week and track how you spent the focused time away from your phone. You don’t get penalized for taking or making calls from your lock screen which is nice since that’s sometimes inevitable.
I did that when we had some drama on Facebook right before my wedding. I got off of it completely for over 6 months. I love it. I am back on but only for some students that I was mentoring, no family, no friends, they can call me to have a conversation. I only subscribe to blogs through email. I don’t even remember my twitter password anymore. I did organize my apps into categories and usually only use 1 or 2 categories. It’s annoying to see my sisters attached to it and I am the younger one but it is really freeing!
By the way, I love your blog and so glad that I found it. You really helped me with my 4 year old this Easter!
Thanks, Melissa!
a
We are smart phone free here–I didn’t want wifi or the extra wireless waves floating around. So we use a laptop wired to the cable line.
EVEN SO, I can still find myself running to the laptop to answer a question or cruise recipes or scroll facebook. We recently moved, and contrary to the usual advice to keep our computer front and center for accountability, I put it in a separate room where it is way more effort to run to it for just a minute. I love it! I am more present with my kids now; it isn’t sucking me in like it used to…
Thanks again for the reminder!
NO!! You are NOT the only one!! I’ve been thinking about this for some time. I just use my phone WAAAAAY to much. Oh…just one more thing…oh wait, what about…oh yes, I forgot to look at… It’s taking my life away. What is sad…is that my phone has started making me sick. I get horrible headaches when I have it near my face…so I started using it only on speakerphone. It helps. And interesting enough…when I had my phone off all day yesterday, my joint pains went away too. SO not only is all the social media and everything bad…so is the radiation from the phone itself. Sheesh. Guess it’s time to unplug! Going to stop using my cell phone and am getting a plain regular corded home phone with speaker phone.
Best of luck in eliminating all of that temptation! I keep thinking…I’m going to regret this when my 4 year old is older and I missed him growing up because I was always using my phone…So sad…
Yes, yes to all of the above. I take every 7th week off of blogging and social networking and delete the social apps from my iPhone. And I get to breathe. I just came off my break, actually. Each time I’m not sure I want to come back, but I do, refreshed and renewed.
I still need to work on some bad habits for the other 6 weeks. I like the idea of the sleeve! 🙂
I knew that you did that rest and I love the idea, I know someone else…maybe the girl who wrote Simple Bogging, I can’t think of her name…takes a month off every year. I love that that idea.
a
I don’t own a cell, i have my home phone and my computer. I don’t worry about not having one, I just ask a business to let me use their phone if necessary. I am unpluged from all except myself and/or the person I’m with.
Good Luck,
Laura
I’ve never had a smartphone and only recently go texting (mostly just to communicate with the hubby when he’s at work because he can’t always get to the phone). I do have a used ipod touch that my hubby fixed up for me. I could definitely see how having the smartphone could suck your time away so I’m happy to only have my touch able to access when I’m in a free network. I have no plans to get a smartphone.
I *almost* switched to a smart phone 2 months ago. It didn’t work out and I’m grateful that I don’t have that temptation since I spend far too much time on my computer already.
My dad just upgraded to an ipad and gave me his Kindle Fire. I love my regular Kindle and am trying to figure out how to remove the facebook ap before I connect the Fire to our internet… I do the Sabbath ‘screen-time breakt’ too and LOVE it. I had also been praying about taking regular breaks when I read Michele-Lyn’s idea of taking every 7th week off. Our whole family is going screen-free for the natl ‘screen-free’ week and then I’m hoping to settle into a regular routine of longer screen breaks…
Oh, I love the idea of screen-free week. When is it? Nevermind, I’ll google it. 😉
a
Thanks for this reminder…after I did “7” last summer, I decided I was going to take breaks regularly but haven’t stuck to it. I’ve been debating getting ready of my iPhone as well. The one thing I would really miss though is my maps! It has saved us many times!
I just got a smart phone this past week, so I am at the opposite end of this. BUT I love the reminder to be intentional as I use my phone. My husband and I share a plan, so we turned off the options for internet access, so that I would have to go in and turn them on to use them. This is good, because since it hasn’t been a part of my life, I am not tempted to use it. Trying to start well!!
These are such great questions to consider. Too easy to get sucked in, isn’t it?
What a great way to do this… A smart phone is probably in my future another year or two down the line.
Well, geez. I was just finally kinda sorta ready to talk myself into getting my very first smart phone… (Yes, I have a regular ol’ FLIP phone. Pre-paid, no less!) There are rare moments when I really do wish I had one, but are those moments worth paying for one? Hmmm. I’d definitely go prepaid, even with a smart phone. Having that *small* budget upfront would keep me off of it, I think. But still… I’m *home.* We have a home phone, so I don’t often “need” a cell phone, and the times that I do actually leave my house? I usually forget the silly thing…
I’m talking in circles. Just pondering the worth of the smart phone.
I know. I mean, there is worth—when I’m doing bloggy things I “need” it. And we listen to Adventures in Odyssey and podcasts in the car with it. There are definite advantages. But there’s something about how my mind (and maybe my heart?!!!) go to it first when I get “bored” or quiet. I don’t like that feeling.
It’s somehow even different than the computer (which can obviously be a time suck, too) because it’s so small and you can look at it everywhere.
Anywhoo. Just pondering, too. 😉
a
I hear ya’. I almost got rid of mine a few months ago. I’ve {mostly} made peace with it now but it’s a constant battle. I did an app purge and that helped. And I’m loving the idea of the little case to make it just a teeny bit harder to be in the habit of picking it up every few minutes.
I like the sleeve idea. I think I might take advantage of that and make myself one! We recently bought a house and have put off hooking up the TV because we figure it is not such a necessity even though my mother-in-law and father will have my son watch it while I am at work. I like that it forces them to find something else to do with my 2 year old rather than stick him in front of the TV!
I am not yet ready to get rid of my smart phone. I like having things like gps, and easily search for info. I was at the school today (I teach part time at the public school in the area) and was able to use the search. Computers aren’t as easily readily available and an immediate response to a question that needed to be answered (conversion of 1 ton to lbs)…
Maybe when I am done working (28 work days left!) and have our 2nd baby, I will be more willing to give up the smart phone for a text and call phone…
So has been the story since I have began having kids….my oldest just turned 3. I’m a single mom and work full time. But just as soon as I find a moment for myself aka nap/bed time I find myself on my phone. Don’t get me wrong….I’ve gotten lots of great ideas from my phone but I always feel its like a black hole that I get sucked into.
Maybe I need a good book…..any recommendations out there?
What do you like?
Love this! I don’t have an iPhone (sometimes I feel like one of the last ones with a basic voice/text phone and plan) and though I think I want one sometimes, I remind myself that I really don’t want to be that connected all the time (and I really don’t want to spend that money every month). But, I can relate because my iPod screen got shattered at the beginning of March and it was something of a withdrawal at first. And though I missed the apps and the quick web access the most at first, I found I missed the availability of my choice of music at many parts of my day (at work, in the morning, doing dishes, etc.) the most after that first week. It’s been repaired now (thanks to a wonderful hubby), but surprisingly I haven’t gone back to using it as much as I was before yet and I’d like to be purposeful about keeping it that way. We have such a small window with our little ones that it’s so important to be present now.
I have an iPhone 4. I am hooked on it. So, I might not be “just like you”. But I sure needed to read your post tonight!
Thank you.
One of the things I do to try and make sure I’m not too addicted to my phone is not having data so that I can only use the internet and apps that needs a connection somewhere that has WiFi. I forgot my phone at home one day and it felt better good! I was not constantly checking my text messages and enjoyed my day a lot more.
Oh, that’s genius!
a
I’ve been wrestling with this very issue for awhile now!!! You certainly aren’t alone 😉
I have been leaving my phone on the charger in the kitchen as much as possible during the day. I am realizing now that I don’t want my girls to grow up with memories of mom having a phone constantly in her hand. I don’t ever want them to think that my phone is more important than they are… am I paying more attention to facebook and email instead of simply enjoying being in their presence? I’ve been thinking a lot about what message my phone and how I use it sends to my girls… and I think it’s one that I don’t want them to be hearing! I’ve seriously considered getting rid of the phone, but I’ve thought that perhaps I just need to exercise my self-control muscle a little more vigorously. This is very much going to be a part of their lives, so I want to be a model of how to live with a smart phone, but not let it rule my life. Thanks for posting!!!
That’s really insightful, Amy. Getting rid of it is one thing, but showing how to use self-control may be a bigger lesson. Thanks!
a
I find that the more “connected” I am the less attention I pay to my kids, the more irritable I get, the more lazy I am. But if I get away from every thing and spend the whole day outside and “loose” my phone, it is so liberating, I almost don’t want to go back into the house because all the connections are in there. Unfortunetly though, I have to stay connected so the kids that I baby sit parents can get a hold of me.
I call my phone a dumb phone, too. I know of only 1 friend who doesn’t have a smartphone. I have a phone upgrade coming soon that I could take to switch to a iPhone. I’m leaning towards passing it up. I feel like I should get it so I can [fill in the same reasons everyone’s already used]. But I think at the heart of it…tying in to what you’ve been talking about…is that a smartphone would add noise into my life (noise that I wouldn’t be able to control). I’m introverted and I’ve long valued quietness and stillness. So thank you for sharing your insights on it!
I have threatened numerous times to burn all our technology to the ground. Ha! But, seriously, I have such a love/hate relationship with my phone.
I completely agree with the time wasted on media today. I have a basic phone..calls and texts, it is fairly useless for internet and email so I don’t use it. I also don’t have facebook, twitter, pinterest or any of the like and before anyone takes a guess I am only 33 yrs old. I find most of those things to be a trap into a world of mindless random useless thoughts but somehow you think you need to read it all. I get a lot of strange looks and gasps when I tell my peers about this and they try to convince me I am missing out. I have five children, I am not missing anything on fb or twitter. I homeschool my daughter, and I find great projects (thanks AMANDA) to do with her and my 3 yr. When I have to get on the internet, I write down what I am looking for and which sites i will visit to find it so I don’t end up falling victim to the millions of links out there and wasting hours.
I don’t know if it makes you feel any better, but I thought I would relate. I’m a gynecologist, and I run out of fingers counting the number of women EVERY DAY, who hold their phone, DURING their exams. That is way too connected to technology!
TOTALLY!
a
I have a dumb phone with no texting, mainly because of financial reasons, but over the last year I have been finding out that it is a huge blessing! I do not have a pinterrest account because I just KNOW I won’t want to get off. I already have my bookmarks filled with things I will never be able to do. I also only get on facebook about once a week because I can lose hours that way and I also don’t like the way it makes me feel less of a successful person, that I just don’t measure up. So I choose to stay off in order to not measure myself to my “friends”. My kids do not spend much time on the computer and when I am on there I want to be modeling good choices. So in short, I think you will find these decisions of yours to be very worth it!
For various reasons I did not have a cell phone for about 15 months. Most of my friends and family thought I was crazy but it was so freeing. To not be at the beckon call of every person I knew and every email the second I received it. So wonderful! I have now had a cell phone for about a year again and very quickly I was sucked back into the time consumer it is. I’ve learned that boundaries (or rules) are the best way to help. A couple of my self imposed rules (which are also household rules my husband does as well):
1. No screens at the table…ever. Even our friends know this when they come over. We have a basket by the door and our close friends know to drop them in. Of course, we aren’t rude about it. If somebody is over for the first time we don’t require it or anything.
2. No screens upstairs. All our bedrooms are upstairs so we charge and keep all phones, computers, ipads, etc. downstairs. There are slight exceptions to this. Mainly if my husband is sick and quarantined in bed we allow him to have something. Our hope is that as our kids get older and have their own phones or computers this rule will just be normal and not a big fight. We do it…you do it.
3. No phone or email for the first hour of the day. This one is new and has been a bit tough for me. I usually get up before everybody and use that time for myself so all those time waster were fun. But I realized I was wasting that precious hour on facebook or pinterest instead of for prayer, time in God’s Word, and time preparing for the day. On the days I do not get right on the computer or phone I am more focused, more productive, and much more patient throughout the day. It has made a huge difference and yet I still find myself struggling to do it every day. Those screens are like an addiction!
I love the no-screens for the first hour of the day. Hmmm. I’m going to have to think on that more. Just waking up in your own little house and not connected to the whole world. Love it.
a
I actually did get rid of my iPhone and now I have a “dumbphone” because I was getting too distracted. The last thing I wanted for my kids was for them to think they had to compete with my phone for attention (and it was getting to that point). It is wonderfully freeing! Confession time…I did buy a refurbished first generation iPad so I can run some of the apps I use, but I set it on our kitchen island and only use it when the kids are napping or in bed for the night, it’s really easy to walk away from.
I am SO glad I got rid of it. I’m not saying that’s the right choice for everyone, but it was definitely the right choice for me and my kids!
Lol! I so switched to an iPad too. But it’s kept exclusively upstairs so I’m not tempted by it!
It’s been 2 months since I smashed the screen on my iPhone and downgraded. It’s been a big change. My kids appreciate the change and I almost get more accomplished. I don’t even text as much because its so much harder. Lol! I really miss the camera though. Especially w a new little one due soon, I wish I still had the ability to share and take decent pics in my pocket all the time. That’s really it. Besides cute cases. I have an lg something or another now. No cute cases. 😉
I’ve long had Sunday as an internet-free day (though I’ve made some exceptions from time to time), but noticed my phone is creeping in to fill that (and I only have Twitter on phone–no iPhone, so hardly any apps).
Good ideas here. I like the phone sleeve. I might have to knit one!
Yes, my phone has just become a mini computer. It’s been a relief to get rid of all the apps. My phone is not very attractive when there is nothing to do on it!
a
I’m getting rid of my phone for two months, I’m giving it to someone so I can’t access it. I’m addicted to my iPhone want to see how my life is without it. Am interested to see if I achieve more or less, I want to become self reliant and less distracted. Am also banning myself from any form of social networking.
I have been surfing online more than 4 hours
today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all website owners
and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be
much more useful than ever before.
Wow! A challenge I really needed. Thank you for good advice. At the moment I can NOT say ” watch how I use my phone” as I definately use it too much. Going to try your ideas. Putiing the phone down after sending this message.
You know, it’s been 3 years since I’ve taken a weekly Sabbath on my phone and I cannot tell you how much it helps my heart stay DISconnected from my phone. Every Monday, I don’t rush to my phone. I’m already used to not being with it on Sunday. It makes a huge difference.
I’ve got a new plan I’m working on right now—only using my phone in the house when it’s plugged in. There is no reason I need to carry it around with me. I can walk over to it like we used to do with old school phones, right? Then I don’t have my phone next to my kid’s bed while we’re reading or next to me while I’m cooking. I can make it!! 🙂
Stick with it–you can do it!
a
I love this idea and a couple weeks ago I seriously was considering downgrading. The only thing is, my phone is the best way for me to take pictures and videos of our girls and we have family across the country who only get to see them once or twice a year. I do have a nice camera, but I forget to use it or don’t have it ready to where it feels spontaneous. I also have ADD and depression/anxiety and my older daughter has sensory processing delays and some other things going on that increase my motherhood exhaustion. While those are major contributird to the distractibility of the iPhone, looking at pictures on my phone or ones I post to IG actually help remind me of the beautiful moments on weary days. I can still use my computer or our iPad for that I guess! If anyone has recommendations for making it easier to use my nice camera day to day and a video alternative (maybe iPad?) I would go back to seriously considering downgrading my phone!