Yesterday was one of the worst parenting days I’ve ever had. There was not one time during the day that one of my children was not completely out of control. I was livid by the time my husband came home. In fact, I crawled into the bed as he finished eating dinner and hid until he had put the kids to bed. (He could feel my weariness and I didn’t even have to ask!)
After the kids went to bed (screaming), my husband and I sat on the couch and talked—about parenting, God and for some reason about dishes. My husband declared that he was better at keeping the kitchen clean because he put the dishes away immediately instead of letting them pile up. (Which, in all honesty, is kinda true.) But after the day I had, this pointed look at my failure to keep the kitchen clean hurt my feelings deeply.
I couldn’t talk anymore. So, I got up, went to my room, got ready for bed and decided to read. I picked up Don’t Make Me Come Up There! by Kristen Welch. You might know Kristen from We are THAT Family. She’s a blogging genius, an advocate for Compassion International and has started The Mercy House, a maternity home in Kenya. And I am in awe of her. I got her book as a review (because I wanted to share the awesome news of her book!) and had read a few of the short chapters when it first came in the mail.
But this night? It was as if the book was written just for me. I started with Chapter 12 entitled, “When I Fail.” Oh, I had failed this day–as a parent, homemaker and even a wife. Kristen tells of how she blew it as a mom, how she was short-tempered and impatient.
And with each confession, I cried more. I felt the same way. A failure.
Then she relayed something her pastor taught her, “When I cut my hand chopping veggies in the kitchen, the blood in my body rushes out of the wound. That’s what it was created to do. Our blood was designed to wash out the impurities and clot to protect us. When I fail as a parent or wife or a person, His blood goes to my injured heart. It rushes to the place I hurt. Because that’s what it was created to do. He is there to wash away my regret and my sin when I fail.”
By this time I was sobbing.
I try so hard–SO HARD–to teach my kids to love God. I try so hard to point them to Jesus. But sometimes I forget to do the same. Sometimes I lean on my own understanding. Sometimes I rely on my past experience. Sometimes I just think I know best and I fail to do the best thing I can do:
Lean into Jesus.
Bring him my parenting failures.
Allow His blood to cleanse my bad attitudes towards my kids.
Rely on His strength to be my joy.
I ended up reading the rest of the book that night–all 52 chapters. And the more I read, the more God’s Word and Kristen’s open and honest confessions, stories and comfort healed my wounded heart. I felt like I had a sweet friend saying, “Yup. I’ve done that too.” with every one of my mess-ups.
Oh, and my husband came into the room to apologize and held me as I sobbed into his arms. I forget I need him, too sometimes.
Do you need some encouragement today? You’re not alone. You might fail as a mom every day. (I know I do.) There are moms everywhere going through the same thing as you. And Jesus is here. He made your children. He made you. And He put the two of you together. He can teach you to work together, to love together and to lean on Him together.
ps–all the author royalties from Kristen’s book go to Mercy House Kenya. Will you buy the book? You can read it and pass it along to another mom!
elizabeth says
Thank you for sharing…it’s nice to hear i am not the only one…I have been failing a lot lately…and the worst part is sometimes I know I am and can’t seem to stop myself. I know i am short tempered and yelling and impatient and yet…I can’t seem to stop myself. I am so thankful to know that God can heal in my children what i have wounded. I always (ok, almost) go to my children and say I’m sorry…but somedays that seems so trite…I hope someday I feel like it get it right a little more than i get it wrong.
Becky says
Sounds like a really good book! I sure would like to win it.
Michelle says
Oh my, this book was written just for me!!!
Teri says
I feel you Amanda!! I hate that I scream at my kids and feel so out of control, right now I do it more often than not. I had a whole weekend where I did the same thing. Sometimes it helps to have the break, but it helps too to let God help us. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Jodi at Tinkerella says
Sounds like a very helpful book. I am struggling for sure. Being a single mom means I have to still get them in bed myself when I would love to hide under the blanket! My biggest stress right now is that they cannot even visit daddy with his PTSD issues. I don’t see him getting better over the past 7 years either 🙁 Nearly more than I can handle. Might have to just buy the book or get from the library!
Nikki says
1st–love your new blog redesign! it’s fab…
I told my husband last week that I feel like he’s my priest (I’m not Catholic) but whenever he gets home from work, I have this huge desire to confess all the ways I failed that day. . . and I can’t think of one single day I haven’t had something to confess.
you are SO not alone.
thanks for the chance to win! This book is on my wishlist 🙂
nikki says
I know the blog design isn’t new—have just never commented on it! 🙂
Teri says
I tweeted your contest!
Teri says
I like this on Facebook!
Nikki says
I tweeted. @nikksworld
thanks for making it so easy!
Teri says
I like Impress Your Kids on Facebook!
Nikki says
I now like ya on facebook. I’ve been following you on twitter–didn’t even realize I wasn’t “liking” on facebook!
Trina says
Been there. I have 4 kids, and the oldest has autism. Sometimes I feel like my patience has to be so much more than every other parent and when I fail that just makes me feel worse. I know in my head that every parent has to go through struggles, but it just doesn’t get through to me when my 9 year-old is tantruming right next to my 4 year-old. Thanks for reminding me that everyone else has points where they want to crawl in a hole and give up too.
Carmen K says
Thanks Amanda. I totally feel like this many, many times, and its always good to hear that I’m not alone. Somehow the written word comes across a lot more honestly than face to face relationships in regards to our parenting failures. Maybe its because as moms of preschoolers we don’t get time to be raw and honest with our girlfriends (usually interrupted by a child needing something), or we don’t have time to sit down and share, or maybe its because we hate to admit that we fail. Thanks for such a great word.
Oh, and I’m definitely a fan on FB!
Amber says
Looks like a great read! Thanks for a chance to win!
Tricia says
Always appreciate your honesty…I have so been there…curled up in bed crying while my hubby finishes dinner with the kids. I so wish I had more patience with my kids. I wish I had the same patience the Lord has with me.
Tricia says
Like this post on FB
Tricia says
Like IYK on FB
Amy says
Hi Amanda and everyone else who has commented. I found this post through an ad on life.yourway.net.
The effects of unresolved anger riddled my family for many years before I reconnected with God, in very meaningful ways. Moment to moment.
I want to offer some solace to those who experience the frustration-anger-aggression-yelling-guilt-more of the same cycle. It really can change. There are ways to work through this type of stuff – we don’t have to put it on our kids continually nor do we have to grovel to God for our mistakes. We can learn new skills and rest in the presence of the Creator each moment for guidance.
From one mom to another, we can change. We really can.
Love to all.
Peggy says
This entry was for me. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement.
Peggy says
I do like you on fb already.
Myra says
I too have ended my day in the bed feeling like a failure. I think most moms have! I guess that is one of the best parts of a new day – a start over. Thanks for sharing this, it makes me feel more normal.
Katie Orr says
Been. There. Too.
Katie Orr says
Tweeted!
Jennifer says
Oh, goodness. I welled up with tears reading your post. Last night at small group, the women separated from the men, and the two different groups prayed together. I don’t know what happened in the men’s group, but in the women’s, there were many tears. One of the prayer requests was to find the joy in parenting again. That could have been my request, as I pray that to Jesus many times.
So, yes, “I know how you feel, Amanda!” I don’t want to fail at anything, but especially not at parenting. Thank you for reminding me to lean on Jesus.
Jennifer says
I liked you on Facebook!
Krissa says
I have days like this all the time…sounds like a book I need to read.
Krissa says
I shared on FB.
Krissa says
I like Impress Your Kids on FB.
juliea says
I am happy to say I’m not having one of those days today, but I’d love to have this book for when the next tough day hits! I think we all feel your pain. Thank God for, well, God! And for each other.
SaraR says
I’ve been there, often. I don’t know how to say so that it makes sense that it’s nice to be encouraged by the fact that others fail too. I mean that in a good way.
SaraR says
I “liked” you on FB. ( I like you off FB too.)
SaraR says
Shared on FB.
Beth says
I have found myself in this same place more times than I can count! Thanks for being so honest.
SaraR says
Just tweeted!
Sarah says
I’m not really commenting because of the giveaway, because I live in Australia. I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I’ve got three girls, 4 and under. Yesterday my baby was 7 months old, and on the same day I found out I am pregnant again. My stumbling blocks are frustration and impatience, as you can well imagine with a high-energy/super-emotional preschooler, an order-loving/volcano-like toddler, and a baby who we haven’t figured out yet but mostly likes to eat. I lose it nearly every day, and every day I pray for forgiveness, patience, understanding, and love. I pray that I will see my girls through God’s eyes, and not my own. The healing always comes. And the next day, we begin again, trying to make each day better than the one before it.
Brittany says
Thank you for such a beautiful and honest review Amanda. I DO know how you feel! Sometimes it feels like everyone else has it together. It’s good to know everyone struggles sometimes. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Brittany says
I just tweeted a link to your review, and then saw that it earns an extra entry. Crossing my fingers, I’d love to own this book! : )
Jen says
Thank you for sharing your heart! This book sounds amazing!
sarah says
Amanda, your transparentcy is BEAUTIFUL and touching. i can relate and want to thank you for such a heart felt post!!!
Ashley Pichea says
I think I need this… Angry mommy is way more common than happy mommy lately. I need the encouragement of a mom who has been there!
MommaKristi says
I know how you feel. I have those days often. I need this book!!!
Mommakristi says
I tweeted!!! @MommaKristi 😉
Becky says
I just tweeted about the giveaway.
Heather @ Not a DIY Life says
This morning started off as a parenting #fail. I’m thankful though that I had some quiet time that I could cool off, pray, and regroup. Actually, that was pray, cool off, then regroup. I doubt the latter two could have happened without prayer.
Hugs.
Kristi says
I got emotional just reading this post. My husband is a missions minister and travels a lot; and has been gone about three weeks. I’ve felt like the mother of the year these three weeks (ahem….not). In the midst of reading the post I was thinking “I need to read this book too!” and you are giving it away!! Wow!
I crawled into bed several nights just like you did. You are not alone my friend! (and my husband does the dishes better too, for the same reasons, argh!!) 🙂
Thanks for your transparency and honesty.
Brandi says
Sounds like an amazing book to read!
Jessica says
Oh, I would love this book, as I too, know how you feel! Praying for a better day tomorrow!
Jessica
Melissa Jackson says
Feel very overwhelmed and like I’ve failed on a often with all of the areas of being a child of God, wife and mother. You are not on a island with this subject!
Sandra says
Reading the comments encouraged me this morning! Obviously we’ve all been there!
Sandra says
Tweeted it!