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You are here: Home / Practical Advice / Helping Someone With the Loss of their Home: Top Ten {Tuesday}

Helping Someone With the Loss of their Home: Top Ten {Tuesday}

I promised this post LAST Wednesday. Too much stuff has happened. Let’s see if I can backtrack…

Remember last week when I was at Performing Arts Camp and VBS? The geocaching? Well, that Tuesday night I was going to bring my niece home from VBS and let her spend the night with us. Then I remembered Lydia had a dance class that night. So, I called my sister-in-law and said, “Can Nora come over on Wednesday instead?” And that’s what happened.

Wednesday after my Performing Arts Camp duties, I grabbed all 3 kids and brought them home. They played in the sprinkler, took a bath in our big jetted jacuzzi type tub and then my husband called and said, “Wanna go swimming?” So, I suited the kids up and we went to the pool. But only for about 5 minutes because it started lightning! After a quick stop at the KFC/Taco Bell (totally reminded me why I hate fast food. *gag*), we rushed the girls into the shower while Les gave Asa a bath. (I know this is a lot of detail, but I need to set the stage.) After the shower, Lydia and Nora asked if I would put curlers in their hair. So, we sat on the floor and talked as I curled their hair.

Just then my phone rang. And Nora picked up my phone, slid it down to answer and gave it to me. I heard screaming on the phone. Not just normal screaming. But wild screaming. I couldn’t understand what it was and it even took me a minute to recognize my mother’s voice. I said, “What? Where are you? What happened?” And then I heard it:

My brother’s house was on fire.

I couldn’t tell if my mom was there, if my brother, Jason was there or what was going on. All I knew was my mom was absolutely hysterical.

I dropped the curlers and ran down stairs while yelling, “Girls! Stay there!” I ran into the bathroom to tell Les I was leaving. He popped up and said, “What are you going to do at a fire?” (Always the thoughtful protector!) I said, “Mama is hysterical. I am not staying in this house.”

And I was gone within 10 seconds. I called Jason and shakily left a message that something was very wrong at their house. Then I called my sister-in-law. She seemed very unfazed by it all so I thought maybe I misunderstood what was going on. Then Daddy called and said, ” Your mom is hysterical. You don’t need to come over here.” But of course, I HAD to.

When I got to the neighborhood (my brother was randomly renting the house next door to my parents’), there were cars lining the streets. No one could get by the 3 fire trucks in front of Jason’s house.

Before I even got out of the car I saw Mama. She and Daddy were waiting for me and Jason to arrive. And here’s what apparently happened:

Mama and Daddy heard the lightning hit something outside. The walked outside and saw policemen in their front yard—which turned out to be Jason’s front yard. Then they realized the police were there because the house was on fire!

Daddy ran to the front door but the doorknob was too hot to touch! So, he grabbed his keys and flashlight (he’s SO Jack Bauer!) to go inside. Why? Because Jason’s truck was in the driveway and they thought he might be inside the house.

When Mama saw her husband knock on the door of her son’s blazing house, she lost it. She was picturing Daddy walking on broken glass (the fire had knocked out all the windows) to find a dead Jason on the floor. She thought she was witnessing her son’s death. And that’s when she called me.

I had nightmares about her phone call and her voice.

Soon, the firemen arrived and put out the fire. Neighbors swarmed to make sure everything was OK. And finally Jason and Brandy walked through the smoke, the fog and the blinking lights to survey the damage. It was not a happy walk.

The kitchen was hit by lightning and totally destroyed. The faucet was melted. The light bulbs melted. The water cooler melted. The refrigerator exploded. Then the fire raced through the attic and ceiling charring everything and sending smoke throughout the house.

The firemen said 5 more minutes and the house would have been ash. The ceiling was black. The walls were dripping with…I don’t know…it was like black water dripping and staining the walls. Every single thing they own was covered in soot. Their clothes, their memories, their belongings were infused with the smoky blackness.

And suddenly they had nothing. After sifting through the remains, they salvaged one POD of belongings–still too smokey to use, but after being treated by some ozone-anti-odor-machine, they are hoping to rescue it. Their clothes are going to be mostly restored. Everything else? Gone.

photo by the amazing mishelle lane

But can we get to the miracle?

Nora, Jason and Brandy were supposed to be home that night. It was the Wednesday night of Performing Arts Camp and VBS so they cancelled children’s services at church. They would have been home early, cooking dinner and getting ready for bed. Instead, Nora was safe and secure at my house. Jason and Brandy took the opportunity to go out to eat. And a mere 40 minutes after they left the house, their house was struck by lightning.

Immediately, people began to rally. Friends showed up that night to help. The next day people were sifting through belongings, bringing bags of clothes to the church and discreetly handing off rolls of money to our family. Today Jason and Brandy are moving into a new house (totally unrelated but still miraculous in my book-they had just signed a lease on a new rental the MONDAY before!) with new belongings, lots of help from friends and a confidence that God is their shield.

So, here’s what I’ve learned about helping someone through the loss of a home:

1. They don’t know what they have. They don’t know what they don’t have. They are staring at the ruins of their physical life! Offering furniture, clothes and food is awesome—but not needed right away.

2. When someone loses a home, the immediate need is just to sleep that night and get ready the next morning. That means they need a new outfit, some basic toiletries and a place to sleep. Cash and gift cards are the easiest and quickest way to help. Then they can buy the underwear, deodorant, contact solution and toothpaste they need.

3. I set up a Facebook Group for all the people that wanted to help my brother and sister-in-law. It gave everyone a place to ask questions like, “What can we do?” and a place for announcements regarding their situation to be made.

4. Designate a spokesperson for the family. I designated myself. (Shocker!) I set up the Facebook Group so I could shield Jason and Brandy from little decisions like, “Do you want our dining room set?” and focus on the important things like, “How do help our daughter through this?”

5. Set up a Paypal account. It’s instant money, instant help and instantly needed!

6. Protect your children. See my post on Impress Your Kids about how Jason & Brandy handled the situation with their daughter, Helping Kids Deal with Tragedies.

7. Have a Housewarming Party! Everyone wants to help and to donate. But in the middle of being homeless, there is just nothing to be done, nowhere to keep donations, no suitcases to keep clothing–just nothing! So, we planned a Housewarming Party for 2 weeks after they move into their house. They’ll be able to assess what they lost, buy some things that they REALLY want and then put an APB out for what they need. We set up a Target registry and a friend even set up a Pampered Chef registry for them (waiving her commission!) and at the housewarming party everyone can bring their bags of clothes, their furniture, their food and well-wishes to the new house. (And I’m totally going to do a creative guest-book for them! Won’t that be fun?)

8. Ask for donations. Of course, people are more than willing to donate old furniture and clothes, but ask companies, too. A local furniture store donated an entire bedroom set to my niece!

9. We also set up a meal registry on MealBaby.com for people to bring meals the first week they are in their house. (I asked on twitter about meal registry and got so many great responses!)

10. Be thankful. Rejoice. God brings beauty for ashes. He restores. I am just in awe of the people who have rallied around our family. I feel like my brother and sister-in-law are Job—they have lost everything. But now they are seeing blessings double of what they had before!

Thank you to everyone that has offered to help, sent me facebook messages and sent money, giftcards and presents. Our entire family is blessed by your thoughtfulness and care. And special thanks to Staci and Mandi for helping me with the Facebook page and party!

:: :: ::

Ready to join in Top Ten {Tuesday}? It’s easy! Just WRITE a top ten list on your blog. Then LINK to me somewhere in it. PASTE the url to your post below. And start LOVIN’ on the rest of the participants with comments, traffic, stumbles, pins, likes & tweets (#toptentues).

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Category: Practical Advice

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Comments

  1. michelle @ this little light says

    June 28, 2011 at 6:39 am

    I have goosebumps. Prayers for your brother and his family and for you. I’m so happy that they are alright physically, and will pray for continued emotional strength and healing.

  2. Musings of a Housewife says

    June 28, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Good grief, Amanda! How utterly horrifying. I am glad everyone is well and it sounds like they are in good hands. Thanks for this post – great advice.

  3. ICStarzz says

    June 28, 2011 at 6:47 am

    wow. I am so sorry that they lost everything but thankful everyone is ok. I am not very knowledgeable about lightening, so I never knew it could strike a house and blow things up inside. The thought of that is terrifying.
    Thank god for you. You organized things for them and made donations possible, you are able to point out the negatives and positives in any situation. you must be an angel 🙂

    -Samantha

    • npgyperl says

      August 5, 2012 at 2:39 am

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  4. Hope Wilbanks says

    June 28, 2011 at 6:47 am

    So sorry to hear about their loss! This was excellently written. My little sister and her family lost their home to a fire a few years ago and it was tragic for everyone. We were awakened in the middle of the night by my sister beating on my front door and screaming for help. A house fire is scary stuff. They lost everything, too. I think you’ve given some excellent advice here for anyone who knows someone who’s lost everything to a house fire. I pray your brother and his family find peace in the midst of this storm!

  5. Christine says

    June 28, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Wow, Amanda what a powerful story! This is wonderful information- much of it I would never have realized. Thanks for hosting! This is my first time joining in!

  6. Kristin Cherwinski says

    June 28, 2011 at 7:09 am

    Very powerfully written Amanda. What a blessing you are to be such a help in getting things back to “normal”. God is SO good. He is always on time, every time. Praying continued blessings onto your brother and his family, and to you and yours for the strength you need to help your brother through this!

  7. Kelly says

    June 28, 2011 at 7:38 am

    What an incredible story! We have also been SO blessed by our hardships lately. Praying for your family!

  8. Caroline says

    June 28, 2011 at 7:48 am

    What a hard, but then beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with us. Praise God. And thank you for giving us such practical tips for helping others in need.

  9. Jenilee says

    June 28, 2011 at 7:55 am

    wow… so thankful that your family is ok. what great tips for helping a family in need!

  10. Sarah says

    June 28, 2011 at 8:25 am

    I’m in tears. Seriously, this is overwhelming – to experience total loss, but then to see God’s continued faithfulness through friends/family/community. I’m so glad that everyone was safe, that no one was at home, that you changed Nora’s sleepover to Wednesday and that your brother and sister-in-law were on a date. Just shows how great God is to orchestrate our safety.

    • oh amanda says

      June 28, 2011 at 8:48 am

      I know. Sarah, the day after I was so emotionally shaken…not b/c of the bad that happened but b/c of the BAD that God delivered us from. If you had heard my mom’s voice–and then if her fears had come true? Our life would be forever changed. I saw a glimpse of God’s deep care and concern for us that day.

  11. Anne @ Modern Mrs Darcy says

    June 28, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Oh, wow. So sorry for the loss of their home, and yet…..this is such a beautiful story.

    These are really good tips, Amanda. I’ve never been exactly in their shoes, but I’ve had a few scary and overwhelming situations to deal with, and this advice is top-notch. In a time of crisis, my decision-making capacity for small decisions is the first thing to go, and I especially love the idea of the family spokesman to shield your brother and sister-in-law from having to devote mental energy to a million small things.

    That’s a nice post over at Impress Your Kids, as well.

  12. ememby says

    June 28, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Wow – I cannot imagine what your family has gone through in the last week! God is good and His goodness is showing through all those who are pitching in. Thanks for sharing this story and list. [mine so so frivolous in comparison, but it’s all I’ve got this week]

  13. [email protected] says

    June 28, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Let me just say that my heart ached when reading this. I know from first hand what it is like to lose a house from a fire. It’s a long process! I will be praying! This is a great post of how people can help!
    number 10 on your list is the biggest one! Be thankful! I am so thankful that all was okay with your family, mine as well. I thank that Lord for what we went through, even though it was and is a tough trial, all Glory belongs to the Lord! To see His hands working!
    I pray that others see the same through this trial.

  14. Barefeet In The Kitchen says

    June 28, 2011 at 9:37 am

    I am in tears, Amanda. Your brother’s family is beyond blessed to have you there with them right now. I have goosebumps realizing the might-have-been endings to this story. Just thinking about that, makes just replacing things sound much better. Praying that your entire family will find peace with this and that all needs will be met.

    • Christopher says

      August 4, 2012 at 12:46 pm

      I’ve been reading for alwhie and this is my first comment. I applaud your ability to clearly explain even the most mundane topics, and make them a joy to read. You are a master word-smith!

  15. Shelly Wildman says

    June 28, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Oh wow, Amanda. This is awful. I’m so sorry for your brother’s loss, but so thankful that God protected them.

    Something similar happened to a couple from our church last week. They had just arrived home from China, and since they were having their floors refinished (the smell was too much for them) they decided to spend their first night back in a hotel. Their house burned to the ground that night. Amazingly, nobody was hurt, but they lost a lifetime of memories.

    Through it all, God is so good, isn’t He?

  16. Lindsay says

    June 28, 2011 at 10:19 am

    This is so heartbreaking and yet so inspiring at the same time. I’m so sorry for the loss of the home, but so inspired by the amazing faith that you have all shown during this tragedy. A true testament to the peace that God brings a heart.

  17. Izzy says

    June 28, 2011 at 10:40 am

    I just found your page yesterday and was shocked to find this story on here today!! (In a good way!!). My now husband and I lost our home in April. Exactly a month and a half before our wedding. Not only was it hard to lose all of our stuff, but we had to plan for a big event!! Your top ten list is perfect. Also, I do believe everything happens or a reason, like your brother and sister-in-law going out to eat. In our case, the dog ruined the neighbors first day out hunting by barking at him all morning so he ended up staying at grandma and grandpa’s house… and the night of the fire… we met up with some friends in town. Great top ten post!!! Can’t wait to see what the future brings.

  18. Stacey @ Tree, Root, and Twig says

    June 28, 2011 at 10:51 am

    During a move from California to Oregon, the truck hauling all of our belongings had a freak accident where it rolled several times and landed upside-down in a ditch. About 90% of everything we owned was destroyed. The rest we had to salvage from the rubble and mud alongside the road. It was the most surreal experience ever. My two oldest daughters – just 6 and 4 at the time – were in the truck, though everyone came out unharmed. That was our miracle.

    You are SO SPOT ON with so many of these points. My husband’s parents and some siblings were at our side within hours, and if we hadn’t had them thinking for us, I don’t know what I would have done. I was pregnant with our fourth child at the time, reeling from the loss of our “home”, worried about our two girls at the hospital (even though they were unhurt, they had to stay for observation), and just could not function. It helped so much to have someone walk us through our immediate needs.

    And even several months later, I would go to look for an item and realize that it had been lost in the crash. It takes a good while to process what has happened.

    I’m happy to say it’s been 11 years and is far behind us, but my heart *absolutely* goes out to your brother and his family. Many prayers for them (and your whole family!) as you journey through this struggle.

  19. Julie says

    June 28, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Wonder Top Ten List, I have a friend who lost her home in November and has just now moved into her replacement home. She lost everything and still sits in the midst of empty rooms. You think shopping for new things would be fun, but it just reminds her of all that she lost. I pray that your brother’s family will realize they need to grieve some then get excited about the new live they will build. Praise God that no one was home.

  20. Deanne says

    June 28, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    God is soooo awesome! That’s the first thing I thought of when reading this. He protected and now He’s providing! Although I am sorry that your brother and his family lost it all, I can’t help but thank the Lord for shining so brightly through this situation. Yay God!!!!!!

  21. Betsy (Eco-novice) says

    June 28, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    What an inspiring story. I feel like we often see the best of the human spirit during tragedy. Your family is lucky to have such a social media savvy person as their spokesperson!

  22. Heather @ Not a DIY Life says

    June 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Oh my word, Amanda. I got chills & tears in my eyes reading these details. God is good.

  23. caroline says

    June 28, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    thanks for making the tragedy so inspiring for me. God bless.

  24. Nickeletta says

    June 28, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    You’ve done a great service to let us know how to help those who have lost their home and property. I wouldn’t know how to help, and now I do. Thank you.

  25. Tiffany says

    June 28, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    I am sooo very relieved and thankful that your family is safe. Although it’s devastating and overwhelming, I’m sure, to lose possessions, they can be replaced. It sounds like so many wonderful people have stepped forward for your family!! Amazing how God works…

    Your post was very informative. I really like how you became the spokesperson and are shielding your brother and SIL from the additional stress of coordinating all those efforts. You rock!

  26. Joules says

    June 28, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Wow, Amanda. I could really feel your terror and sadness through your words. I am so glad that everyone is ok and am overcome with the awesomeness of the human spirit as evidenced by Jason and Brandy’s parenting and by the giving nature of so many people. Life is beautiful!

  27. Ami w/AliLilly says

    June 28, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    WOW! I saw Myra’s top ten list and that she was linking up here. I think “hmmmm whats this about” head over here to see this. I am so sorry. This is an AMAZING post. Well thought and put together. You are amazing! I know this because, my husband and I are SURVIVORS of a house fire. We lost EVERYTHING. Thank my sweet Jesus that we all made it out safetly, even our now 17 yr old cat. It’s shocking and devestating and violating. You feel violated that something TOOK all of your stuff. And it’s not the stuff so much as the irriplaceable stuff. Like my beloved late grandpa was a carpenter. He built me a WHOLE house full of kiddy sized furniture and it’s all gone. I have a daughter of my own now and it still stings. I understand. And I also know all the different emotions you go through. I’m send prayers your way for your family.

  28. Jodi at Tinkerella says

    June 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Where is the link to the facebook page?? Did I miss it?

    I’m so sorry Amanda, for your brother’s family! I’ve heard that a fire is really destructive and can take all your belongings so quickly… but it’s soooo wonderful to see many helping them out. I love that.

  29. September says

    June 28, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Unfortunately I know what they’re going through. My senior year in college the house I was living in burned down–someone had left an iron on when they were getting ready to go out on a Saturday night and it finally combusted into open flame somewhere around 3am. It was a basement apartment (went to a small Christian school who specified you had to live in “approved” housing, which really meant that professors subsidized their mortgages by creating illegal bedroom apartments in basements and attics) without any real windows and only one means to get out (and did I mention fire started underneath the wooden staircase that was the one means of egress?). I still consider it a miracle that it was probably the only Saturday night that spring where nobody had been drinking at all, and even with that only two (out of 8) of us woke up from the alarm.

    The way you’re going about helping them is smart. You’re right, they’re a total mess right now with no way of knowing what their needs are beyond the next few hours. Once their heads clear they’ll have a better idea of how to move forward and what the longer term needs are.

    And this is a really dumb thing, but gift cards and money are so very welcome in these types of situation. It may sound ungrateful, but I detested people bringing in bags of old clothes for us to sift through; granted, we didn’t have anything, but it was so depressing to think that we would be stuck wearing other people’s unwanted stuff. When I finally got my act together I can’t tell you how good *new* clothing felt and smelled. Fifteen years later I still remember the smell of going into a department store with nothing but new clothing.

  30. Wendy Hagen says

    June 28, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Amazing. What are the odds that your house would be struck by lightning? And then the fact that they weren’t there! Unreal. So glad they are okay and have you rallying to help.
    My cousins just lost their house in the Joplin tornado so I have been trying to help rally from afar.

    • Finlay says

      August 4, 2012 at 7:45 am

      oo naman, mas magaling ang ateeno sa la salle. syempre may bias ako, nag-aral kasi ako sa ADMU.pero isa kasi sa criteria nila e facilities, mas OK yata facilities ng la salle.

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      August 5, 2012 at 2:41 am

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  31. Dani says

    June 29, 2011 at 12:28 am

    A beautiful reality of God’s perfect timing, His never ending faithfulness, His absolute sovereignty, and how life is hard but He is always good. Am praying for your family that not only will they be blessed in this trial but that many others will be blessed as well.

  32. Monica says

    June 29, 2011 at 10:21 am

    we have experienced the blessing of God here in my town of Joplin, Mo. so many people lost everything from the tornado but i have chosen to focus on all the miracles that occurred that night and all the people that have come from all over to help. God is good indeed!!

  33. KAT says

    June 29, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Oh my. Hearing it from your perspective with all the details really makes me sad. I haven’t watched the news report because I knew it would make me cry. I AM SO GLAD THAT THEY ARE OK. Unbelievable.

  34. Janmary says

    July 6, 2011 at 4:47 am

    So glad they are ok – the most important thing.

    Love your practical list – praying for your brother and his family.

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I like to think of fun ways to lead my kids to Jesus and I like to share them with you. If you're new here, start here for some fun family-time ideas!

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