Last week during Performing Arts Camp, my niece came over to spend the night. Her mom (my sister-in-law) was the choir director and was staying late at church so I thought it would be nice to bring my niece home one night. It was a fun-filled afternoon where the kids played in the sprinkler, took a bath in our giant tub, went to the pool and took a shower all in one day. So, as we were getting ready for bed, the girls wanted curlers in their wet hair. And in the middle of it, my phone rang.
My niece handed me the phone and all I heard was screaming on the other end. It was my mom. She was hysterical. I heard her say my brother’s name and something about a fire. I said, “What’s going on?” And she yelled again. Then I heard it–my brother’s house was on fire. And my mom didn’t know where my brother was.
I ran downstairs and told my husband then ran out the door. It was the most sickening, terrifying feeling I’ve ever had. By the time I got to their house (they live next door to my parents), the firemen had arrived and the fire was out. But the damage had been done. Lightning had struck the kitchen and the fire had destroyed most of their belongings.
The miracle in the story is that my niece wasn’t supposed to be spending the night with me that night. She was supposed to come on Tuesday. But I had to cancel at the last minute for a dance class. And because my niece was with me, my brother and sister-in-law did what any kid-less parents would do–they went out to eat. A mere 40 minutes before the lightning struck. Had they been there–cooking dinner in that kitchen? They would have been dead. Immediately.
When I got home, the kids were already in bed (thank you to my husband!). The next morning I didn’t tell them what happened. We decided to bring my niece to her (other) grandmother’s house so my brother and sister-in-law could explain what happened. They decided to ease her into the story and only tell her the house had been hurt and she’d have to stay with Grammy for the day. Well, after the story got around, they got to check out the damage and they realized that almost everything was gone, they didn’t know what to do.
It was such a scary sight. They didn’t want her to see it and be afraid of lightning for the rest of her life. Or have nightmares about their horrifying looking house. But they couldn’t hide it from her either–the entire church knew! Plus, she’s 7 years old! She’s not stupid.
Remember, this is in the middle of the Performing Arts Camp and VBS which my mom and my sister-in-law are in charge of! Everyone was abnormally stressed anyway! So, finally, they decided they had to show her the house. They took her out to breakfast alone and told her what happened. Then they all walked through the house together. They said she cried when she saw her room.
Now they’ve had to buy shoes, clothes and even a Build-a-Bear to get back on their feet. They are living with us for the next week until they move into their new home (Another miracle–they were renting their home and just signed a lease on a new house. They were already planning to move out at the end of the month!). It has been a crazy crazy place in our family this week. But we are praising God for His protection and His promise to bring beauty from ashes!
You gave me such good advice when my husband’s grandfather died, so I’m asking today: How do you help kids deal with tragedies like fire, storms or natural disasters?
pic above not their house! photo by benmcleod.
Oh my gosh, how scary! First of all, I am so glad everyonw was okay. Thank God for that! I honestly don’t have much advice. I think honesty is good. Just remember that kids take their cues from our behavior, so if adults stay calm, they will too. So sorry this happened!
I’m so sorry to hear about this – but it sounds like the Lord was watching over your brother and his family!! PTL! I don’t have any advice either. We haven’t had to deal with anything like this yet, but I will pray for his family and that the Lord will give them the right words to say. 🙂
When I was 10 years old my house burned to the ground and I watched it. I don’t know if I have a lot of advice to answer, but here is a post I wrote about the experience
http://ambocullum.blogspot.com/2010/06/february-4-1990.html
Thank you, Amber! Can’t wait to read it. 🙂
I meant….advice to give
The way I see it is that, if you explain them that all things happen for a reason and it all comes out for the best, kids actually understand and deal with tragedies better than us 🙂
Good luck!
First of all I think that your brother and sister in law did what should have been done…it seems that they did not panic in front of her…being that she is 7 she has been through lightening before and it did not hit the house…Just explain that sometimes it does and it does not happen often…but also explain that it was a good thing that no one was home…that they are all safe, and all or most of her belongings can be replaced…if nothing else tell her now is the chance to get new toys and clothes…I do hope that they had some kind of insurance that will help them out…Kids are resilient, with all of her family around she will bounce back…
I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to say so glad everyone’s safe!
Praise God your family is safe! It is hard when things happen that are hard to explain to kids. Last year I had to explain to my kids why their newborn cousin died when he was born…after we had prayed for him for months. It is hard on us as adults to know the mind of God and His purposes, and equally hard for our kids. Above all I didn’t want my kids faith to suffer and then I was reminded how in hard times that is when God really grows our faith even more. We tried to tell our kids that God is powerful and He can bring good out of any situation, but it is hard to understand. We also allowed them the freedom to be mad or to ask questions, because that is real faith. Ultimately trusting Him again is a huge step. I will pray for your family and healing.
Oh, how terrifying! I’m so sorry for the loss your brother and family have experienced and will pray for them. I can relate so well to that sickening feeling you had — no one heard from my parents until nearly midnight after Joplin’s F5 tornado last month, which hit their street at 5:47 in the evening, so for hours we had this sickening, horrifying feeling as we waited. Finally we heard they were safe but had lost everything and were in a hospital in another city. We packed up our 3-year-old girl (almost 4) and 1-year-old boy and drove all night to see my folks. We had to tell our little girl what had happened, so we told the truth, but in a calm, normal voice, definitely not in a scary or sad tone of voice: “Grandma and Grandpa’s house fell down in a tornado while they were in it and they got hurt. Now they are in a hospital getting better and deciding what to do about building a new house.” When we drove around Joplin, which I have long considered to be my hometown, we had to tell our little girl again what had happened. “There was a tornado and these buildings fell down and some people got really hurt. Now they will start making new houses and stores.” She took our comments at face value. We did not dramatize the horror we felt in any way. I didn’t cry in front of our little girl, but I think that with her personality, it probably would have been okay as long as I didn’t make my tears her burden. I don’t know if she will freak out the next time we have to go to our basement during a tornado siren, but I doubt it. (*I* will freak out, though!!!! Sheesh!) I think “honesty is the best policy”, but that each individual child’s personality is going to be differently shaped for receiving the truth about whatever the situation is, and one child might be able to handle more or less truth than another. Praying for your family!
Thank God your family is safe and sound! Things can be replaced but loss life cannot be taken back again! God is really good and watching over us!I will pray for your family!
I’m so sorry…. Thank God that your brother’s family is all safe.
What has been helpful to us in dealing with our troubles is to find a way to help others. Maybe your niece could draw cards to encourage other people who have lost their homes in fires or it could be something completely unrelated to fires (like sending cards to sponsor children in other countries!).
I think it’s good to know that you can still help others while you’re in need of help. It takes the focus off of your own problems.
just try to talk with them about what happened. children are very smart and emotional – so they can understand that bad things are happening. it’s important to show them a personal example how to get back to daily life as much as it’s possible.
I am so thankful your family is okay! God definitely had His hand on them…wow.
Telling kids about tragedy is hard…in 2008, our home flooded in the storm surge of Hurricane Ike. Telling our boys, then 6 and 3, was hard, especially the oldest. We only had 4-5 inches of water, but we lost our furniture, the kids lost about half their toys (because they were stored on the floor or low shelves where the boys could reach them), all our appliances, and we spent months remodeling. I was amazed at my 6 year old’s attitude…he only cried once. He was worried about his friends who had lost everything.
Praying for your family, and so, so glad they are safe!