Sometimes I just get in a motherhood funk. The blues. The blahs. The I-can’t-do-anything-right kinda feeling.
All day long I can feel words swirling through my head, “Their behavior is your fault! Why can’t you get the house clean?! You have ruined them! What are you doing? Why can’t you get him under control?”
Am I the only one?
I had no idea how hard parenting was going to be. I thought as I grew with my kids’ physical needs, I’d grow into parenting. I thought I’d get a few good parenting successes under my belt and then those same ideas would work again. I figured I’d be able to build on my successes and kind of get a one up on my kids.
Sadly, that’s not the case. I greet each new season of parenting with the same dumbfounded expression as I did the last. Some days I stare at my children and think, “I have not one good idea. I am totally stumped.”
Again, am I the only one?
What do we do when we feel like our kids are dragging us around by the ankles? That our faces are firmly planted in the ground while our kids dance around on top?
I wish I knew.
This isn’t a practical parenting post. Practicality is not my specialty. I’m the heart-of-the-matter, philosophy-of-motherhood kinda person. And that’s where I start…
What is the heart of the matter?
Why am I letting my kids’ behavior determine my mindset? my self-worth? my attitudes? Why is every parenting situation only black or white? fail or pass?
The heart of the matter for me is that I’m letting my attitude be attached to my situation. I’m allowing my thoughts to be dependent on how another person behaves (another teeny tiny immature person at that!).
I know what you’re thinking, “OK. So, what do I do about it? How do I fix it? How do I crawl out of this?”
I have to fix my mind.
I have to purposefully think and say the attitudes I want to have. I have to stop the “This is all your fault” and say, “My kids are their own singular people who make their own choices. I don’t own them.”
I have to stop myself from thinking, “I can’t do this!” and physically open my mouth to say, “I am their mother. These are my children. I’m the only one that CAN do this.”
Words and thoughts are powerful. It’s easy to wallow in self-pity, in defeat and insecurities.
I see my 5 year old do it all the time — she’s easily frightened my storms, loud noises and recently, scary thoughts. And she won’t give up the idea that she’s afraid. She’ll lay in her bed for hours and be frightened over a thought! I can sing to her, pray for her, tell her stories, and surround her with stuffed animals but if SHE doesn’t actively stop the thought and put a new pure, lovely or excellent thought in her mind, she will continue to be frightened.
From the outside it seems so simple!
But it’s harder when we’re in the middle of it!
As I was writing this post, I stared at the screen completely empty. I had nothing to give or pontificate about motherhood. I felt those self-defeating words swirling through my head.
This post has been an exercise in thinking, believing and speaking the things I know to be true. I have to encourage myself. My kids can’t do it. My spouse can’t even do it. I have to lean into the Truth about myself and my position and purpose as a mother.
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.” Philippians 4:8
How do you pull yourself out of the blues?
Originally published at Life Your Way.net
Wow! It’s amazing to read of someone else having my exact same thoughts. This parenting gig is so hard some days. Then there are other days that are a breeze. I’d love to find a happy medium.. Thank you for your post!
SOO true! Hardest. Job. Ever. And you are so far from the only one. I am in a funk of my own and I have the exact same thoughts, on a daily basis!!!! Thank you for sharing!
Amanda,
I’m running some damage control here. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. We are both listed in Erin’s blog list though. I wrote a post today titled “The Mommy Funk”. It is very important for me to tell you that I wrote this post BEFORE I looked at Erin’s blog today….before I saw your post for today. I would never want you to think that I wrote my post today in any way in relation to your post today. It was strictly in response to a silly email I received this morning from one of those parenting websites.
I completely understand your feelings regarding motherhood, and I’ve been doing this now for less than a year! It is definitely the hardest thing that I’ve ever done…and there are days when I just sit and cry over what a terrible job I think I am doing.
Please know that my post for today was absolutely not written in response to yours. You may not ever even see my post…I just wanted to make sure that I explained myself in the off chance that you read it.
I hope your day gets better. I’m sure you are a fantastic Mom…these kids just absolutely have a mind of their own sometimes….it does crazy things to us. 🙂
No, you’re not alone. I’ve found that Motherhood is THE hardest thing I’ve ever encountered. Marriage has it’s own set of difficulties, but at least in that I have accountability (as in, my husband can tell me straight out that I’m wrong (in love, of course) and that I need to stop or correct what I’m doing). But I’ve found that the thing with being the mom is that my kids can’t keep my accountable and say ‘Mother, you’re being selfish right now and even though I understand that you really want peace and quiet, screaming at us is not the way to model how you want us to behave.’.
Motherhood is the one thing that keeps me dependent on the Lord. “I can do all things through Him that gives me strength.” ~ Phil 4:13 Everyday, hourly, consecutive seconds…..I seek Him for what I need to parent these rascals. And then when I fail (too often!) I seek Him again and start over. 😉
One thing I told a friend of mine the other day as we were lamenting about this subject and how we are failures – if we were perfect mothers to our children then my kids wouldn’t need Jesus.
Oh we all feel you.
Email me. I want to send you an excerpt from my book that will encourage you… and make you cry, but sometimes those go hand in hand.
It is so hard. And I just have one really easy one. On a daily basis I feel unworthy and ill equipped to be responsible for his care and upbringing. I mean, really? Me? I probably shouldn’t even be allowed to raise plant life, much less a livng, breathing, fit throwing adorable parasite!
All I can see from your blog is that you are a brilliant mom – fun, loving and able to hold to your boundaries. You rule! Remember all these comments when your head gets you down and hopefully they will help lift you back up:)
Motherhood is a tough gig for sure! My baby is about ready to graduate and I’d like to ask for a do-over. Every stage brings with it hard stuff but lots of joys too.
Now I’m going to click over and read the rest of the article…I’m sure it is good stuff.
i love reading your blog. i so often feel we are on the same track. i’ve been meaning to email you but i’ll just post it here…how are things gong with lydia’s bedtime routine. we have been struggling with my little darling. just wanted to see if anything is working for you. lot’s of prayer. scripture and encouragement going on over here.
prayers and hugs!!
The best is yet to come – teenagers!
Amanda, I love this raw honesty. Can I just say Amen and Amen. And when you’ve got it figured out can you give this gal a clue! 🙂 15 years of motherhood with six kids, I should have the one figured out with answer in hand for you. Ha. Anything but. Can I tell you the number of times I have said out lout I must be the worlds’ worst mother and what am I don’t wrong.
Moments. I think it is all in the moments. At least that is where I am at. It isn’t week by week, or even day by day. It is moment by moment. Maybe mistake by mistake would be even a better description. I dunno.
Patience is our word for the year. What was I thinking? I should have known when we chose that word that it would be tested to it’s very core.
As far as the motherhood blues – yikes, I know that one well. What works. Well recently, for me, finding the thanks especially in the worst. It helps. It really helps. And sometimes, it’s the only thing that keeps me sane!
Love your blog Amanda – you speak volumes to my heart! 🙂
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