Last week I tried potty-training my 2.5 year old son.
Some of you are already snickering because you know all the drama that goes into that one sentence. My daughter was potty trained in 2 days at the age of 24 months. My son spent an entire week in Buzz Lightyear underwear and we did not see one peepee-in-the-potty.
By day 5 I was reaching my limit.
I had cleaned potty off the floor too many times to count, I had changed my son’s clothes so often that the only thing he had to wear was mismatched too little pajamas and I hadn’t left the house in days.
The final straw was when my daughter began to offer her professional potty training experience in the middle of me wiping up potty, cooking dinner, and changing a soaking wet little boy.
I turned around and yelled at her. Harshly. Rudely.
I knew I was wrong.
I knew I was lashing out of my aggravation. But I argued in my head, “She should know better! She knew I was doing so many things at once. She knows to be quiet!” Still, my heart was heavy inside me.
After dinner I scooted my chair next to hers and said, “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was aggravated about potty training and didn’t use self control. Will you forgive me?”
She started crying.
And I knew I had wounded her. My yelling had been wrong and she felt it.
But what happened next? Did she cross her arms and hold it against me?
No, she got out of her chair and gave me a hug. My words healed a wound I had made only minutes before.
Apologizing to my kids is something new for me. I knew there were times when I had been wrong, but I assumed because I was the parent, there was no need to tell my kid, “Hey! I’m a failure!”.
I was wrong.
Apologizing heals hearts and builds our family together. The more I apologize, the more I feel a real understanding, an authentic relationship developing between my kids and me.
And I’m setting the standard and being an example of a contrite and humble heart. The next time my daughter lashes out or hurts someone’s feelings I pray she remembers her mama reaching out with a repentant heart to apologize.
Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.
~Margaret Lee Runbeck
{originally published at LifeYourWay.net}
Deanne says
I doubt you are asking for advise, but just in case….one thing you might try is putting a pull-up (or one of those plastic diaper covers, if they make those things anymore) on over the underwear. this will cause him to feel/be wet when he has an accident, but no mess to clean up (just wet underwear).
I am so so sorry that potty training is not going smoothly. I didn’t start with my son (who was also the second child) until he was three. by that time he was VERY ready. maybe take a break and revisit potty training in a few weeks? Just an unsolicited thought, again. 🙂
oh amanda says
I think you’re right, Deanne. I was thinking of waiting a month and then trying it again. The thing is he can hold it all day. But then he will NOT go on the potty so once or twice a day there would just be this huge accident on the floor. UGH.
I like the idea of underwear + pullup. Hmmm…
Jodi at Tinkerella says
I hope you have better luck when you try again! I do think that most need to wait longer for boys. I waited with Kevin, the forth and only boy, till he was over three. The first day was just as you describe… all day long back breaking floor cleaning and laundry every couple hours! But the next day it was like he thought it over in his sleep and knew exactly what he needed to do. He hated the timer and being told ‘lets go try’ so he’s a bit controlling like his mama and decided he would do this NOW and get it done! There are a ton of tips on CafeMom for potty training… I feel like you have to pick the technique that is best for your child’s personality. Ella had to have the timer and a good friend of mine actually taught her as I could not get her to cooperate with me! **HUGS**
Clisty says
Try not to stress, boys are known to take much longer. Mine sure did.
girlymama says
Oh, my dear.
I am potty training my 2-year-old son over here as well. and it is NOT GOING WELL. If we lived closer, I would recommend we run away for chocolate and wine some night ((hug))
melissa says
oh sweetie! been there. too many times i have used a forceful tone when it was undeserved. and like you….i say i am sorry. isn’t it amazing the grace and love these kiddos have for us??? never once have they denied forgiveness or even hesistated! god is revealing himself through them, isn’t he??
great post.
Stephanie says
Been there! I apologize A LOT to my kids. I’m very quick with my tongue, so while I work on that (*cough*), I try to make sure I apologize just as quickly. It’s very humbling to get down on my knees and look my kids in the eyes and say I’m sorry. And hey, while you’re down there, why not clean up more pee? ‘Cause that’s always fun. Hang in there, girl.
mandi@itscome2this says
So, just out of curiosity what was Lydia’s advice?!? 😉 ((HUGS))
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