Lydia turned four in January. I feel like it may have flipped a switch inside her. These last 2 weeks have been the most unbelievable—she argues, whines, pouts, stomps her foot and keeps her hair in her face to hide from me when she’s in trouble. Is she 14?!
The last few days have been so bad, I finally pow-wowed with my husband to think of a new way to discipline her. Nothing in our regular bag of tricks was working. We decided to try a little now-and-then discipline. If I had to get onto her 3 times, then my husband would discipline her when he got home, too. (Not as a “mama can’t handle it” but as an additional punishment.)
DID. NOT. WORK.
Then we thought a little positive reinforcement/reward stuff might be better. So I made a chart. It’s not lovely. But it has a few important points…
1. Scripture. I didn’t want a chart that said, “Lydia’s Behavior” or “Don’t Be Naughty”. So, I put Exodus 20:12 in “Lydia’s version” so it said, “Lydia honors her father and mother.”
2. Positive and Negative. I have issues with negative and positive reinforcement. I like the positive stuff but didn’t want to give rewards for false positives (ie. “Wow, you’re smiling, Lydia! You get a sticker!”) and I don’t want to make her think she’s earning my love and approval. And of course, negative reinforcement can always be rough. So. I’m doing a positive AND negative…I put hearts on it for when she does something very awesome (sharing with Asa, obeying immediately, etc.) and blue circles for times I hear her arguing, etc.
3. Her Involvement. I had her write her name at the bottom. I wanted her to be involved and know that she is a part of this chart. We read the verse together. I reminded her that this chart was to show when she was obeying God’s Word. She was very excited and wrote her name with pride!
4. Length. This chart is only for 3 days. I know I can’t expect a 4 year old to be perfect for 2 weeks. But 3 days will be a easy for her (and me!) to pay attention to!
5. Reward. If we deem her chart worthy (I haven’t actually decided how many heart/circles count), she gets to go to a inflatable game place with her Daddy and Asa this weekend.
It’s only been a couple of hours, so I haven’t filled anything in yet. I’m not sure how it’s going to work, but we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated. (Update: Made it even better!)
Do you have any great ideas about creative discipline and behavior?
I think charts do work when used properly. I’ve been having trouble with my four year old since she was 2.5!! I was hoping turning 4 would change something and….it didn’t. “Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours” by Dr. Kevin Leman is FABULOUS! He’s all about reality discipline. His advice is great. One thing I’ve found from personal experience with my 4 yo is consistency and staying on top of her. I have to discipline her right away when she’s acting up.
Anyway, good luck! I feel your pain….
Amanda, I think this is a great idea!!! Enough that I’ll be copying it:) I think you hit on some awesome points – I don’t like those charts for all the same reasons you mentioned. But I love the 3-day, postive & negative & the verse at the top. I truly feel that Evan is “winning” on more days that not & I don’t like it!!! We’ve tried the red/yellow/green thing on a daily basis, but I don’t like it very much. *Sigh*
Listen, we have “issues” here, too. I’m happy to try anything at all new. 😉
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Hang in there, it gets better, the switch will flip back 🙂
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OH MY!!! I have a 4 yr old too and she’s driving me over the edge. I thought 3 was rough. No one filled me in on 4 and I have a 3 yr old girl too. This is just crazy.
But I really liked what you said here. Positive with the negative. Very encouraging for me.
In our house we have used what we called “Sass Juice” for whining and arguing. Those sins that come from the mouth. It’s vinegar. A small tsp. It works like a charm. I don’t use it too often, but I do let her know that is she whines, complains or argues with mom, she will get one warning and then sass juice.
I love this post. Thanks for sharing your struggles and helping us out.
I like the way you did her chart. I like the balance between positive & negative.
For her reward, I would think that as long as she has more positives than negatives in the 3 days then a reward is in order.
We have issues with listening here. I can talk and talk and talk, and my 3 yr just stares at me… Maybe a chart will help us.
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We recceive 2 great weekly parenting emails from Love and Logic and John Rosemond that give practical help. We also listened to “Have A New Kid By Friday” by Kevin Leman that had some helpful info.
Interesting idea! My almost-3 year old has been acting out lately, and this might be a way to help. I’ll be interested to see how it goes!