I’ve posted a few times about Lydia’s shyness and fear. It is still a constant issue with us. Recently, she has decided she’s afraid of loud noises–cars, bumps, rain and especially wind. Last week was the worst scenario so far. We saw a fireworks show. (Yes, pre-July 4th!)
We talked about it beforehand–she was ready to see it. We were with my whole family. She was having the time of her life. She knew it was going to be loud and decided she was just going to cover her ears.
But when the show began she went BEZERK.
She was kicking, screaming—no, WAILING and would not calm down even an iota. I finally had to throw her over my shoulder and walk her back to the car while everyone else watched the fireworks show. I’m sure I didn’t react the way I should have but I really don’t know what the correct response should have been. (In fact, I was hoping no one was watching me because they may have been tempted to call Social Services.) She was so upset and so out of control that I was on the verge of tears myself.
Now, flashforward a week. She’s playing one of her favorite games: mommy & baby. Only today I’m the baby and she’s the mommy. For some reason I look outside and notice the wind is blowing. I say, “Mommy! The wind is blowing. I don’t like it. It’s too loud.” And I begin to pout.
Lydia begins speaking to me in a calm sweet voice, “It’s ok, baby. It’s only a noise. I’m right here. You don’t have to be afraid.”
I kept the dialogue up for a minute or two–using excuses and words she uses when she’s afraid of something. I figured the conversation wouldn’t last long. But I was wrong. Lydia continued it for about 30-45 minutes. As we cleaned and folded clothes, she kept saying, “Let’s talk about something. Let’s talk about…” Then she’d say “loud noises” or “being afraid” or something like that.
She continued to comfort me and say all the things that I say to her including, “Jesus is always with you. He’ll never leave you.” and “Jesus is in your heart. He will help you be brave.” and “I’m right here. I’ll stay right with you. I’ll protect you.” She continued to use her soothing voice and pat my arm or leg.
I was so encouraged that she had internalized so much of what I said to her. I was also encouraged that she continued the conversation. She WANTED to talk about it. And I liked that she was saying all those things out of her OWN mouth. I’m a firm believer in speaking truth and the “fruit of your lips“. I think when you speak truth (especially God’s Word) from your own mouth it builds up your faith and your determination on the inside. So, I’m praying her little-mama words helped to cement the truth of courage in her heart and mind.
I just read somewhere (maybe in Creative Correction?) about role-playing for obedience and wanted to try it with her. But this role-playing was even better than that. I’m going to try role-playing this mommy/baby thing again in a few days to see if she jumps on this fear topic again. AND I’ll be interested to see how she reacts next time a fear jumps right in front of her.
YOUR TURN: How do you teach your kids to deal with fear?
Candace says
it’s so hard to teach these kinds of concepts to little ones but it is so important. we haven’t delved into fear yet with conner (he gets hung up on why can other kids do “x” and he can’t) but the few times he does get fearful we remind him that mommy and daddy are always there and he doesn’t need to be afraid. i’ve struggled with fear most of my adult life but have really come to embrace the scriptures that perfect love drives out fear, and there is no fear in love. making your children feel safe with you is important, but also that there is a god that loves them who is always with them and they just don’t need to be afraid.
i’m very interested in this spot on the blog since hubby and i both feel it does take a village to raise a child and we’re not always going to know what to do or what to say when we see a lesson that they need to learn. thanks for starting this section!
.-= Candace´s last blog ..Max’s first birthday party =-.
Elizabeth says
That is a hard one. But my oldest was exactly the same way. We didn’t have much fun on July 4th for his first 4 or 5 years.
For one thing he was the oldest. So there was no sibling there who had gone before him. Our 2nd and 3rd have never been afraid of the fireworks. But Ethan slowly learned to deal. We let him cover his ears or rather I covered his ears. He is now the biggest fan. It takes a while to get use to something so huge and loud.
I myself remember hunkering down in the backseat of my familys car on the 4th with the windows rolled up so as to muffle the noise and I think I was around 8 at the time.
Its good that she’s open to talking things out with you. It shows a lot of maturity and trust in you.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Happy 4th of July! =-.