One of our best couple friends are getting divorced next month. It’s so sad. We used to hang out with them every week and go bowling, eat Mexican food and stay up late playing video games. (Well, the guys would play video games. We just watched and talked.) Now they are living in different cities because she has had multiple affairs and has decided she wants to live a free uninhibited life. It’s hard for me to even fathom the girl we used to hang out with could do this to her husband.
I just finished a good book called Savannah by the Sea by Denise Hildreth. It’s a chick-lit book, a light read and very funny. In the book, Savannah (our heroine) meets an older couple on her vacation. This couple is obviously very much in love and Savannah is impressed with them. She begins having long conversations with them and discovers that the wife had an affair early in their marriage. (I don’t know the bloggy rules, but I’m going to quote a section from the book…) Savannah says,
“Maybe you shouldn’t have married Manuel. Maybe he wasn’t the one.”
The dimple in her chin deepened as she smiled. “Oh, he was the one. But even if I thought he wasn’t, he became the one the day I married him. That’s just how it is. No excuse I wanted to apply to our marriage would have made my decision right. I’ve heard a thousand excuses out of the mouths of people who have affairs. ‘He doesn’t treat me the way I should be treated,’ they say. None of that matters. I am responsible for every decision I’ve ever made. And I am responsible for the commitment I made to Manuel the day I promised to love him until death do us part. I broke that promise. It was wrong. And I have paid a heavy price for it.”
***
The italics above were mine. Oh, I wish I could share this with my friend! I’ve haven’t spoken to her since they separated. I know she doesn’t want to talk to me. And I know I wouldn’t be able to say what I wanted. I ache for the pain her soon to be ex-husband is going through. I ache for the pain she will go through. I know it takes two to tango, but somehow she has convinced herself that leaving her marriage, her covenant and her vows is the right thing to do. She believes that he wasn’t “the one” and she’s righting the wrong.
Savannah gets to talk to Manuel about the affair and asks how he could forgive his wife. He talks of forgiveness being the only option. He didn’t want to live in bitterness and regret. After their conversation, Savannah leaves and the chapter ends with this, “From the street I looked back and watched him walk into the house. A man far beyond my ability to comprehend. A hurt I couldn’t conceive of. A forgiveness far greater than I was capable of.” God’s desire is to do things beyond our comprehension. To restore broken marriages and heal broken hearts. To bring life, love and joy to our lives.
I pray He does something incomprehensible for you.
This reminds me of my brother’s situation. His wife suddenly decided that he wasn’t the one. She wasn’t in love with him and wasn’t sure if she ever had been. He tried as hard as he could to save the marriage, to no avail. She was already gone emotionally. He’s forgiven and he is free! He now is happily with a wonderful woman who loves him and loves his kids! It’s amazing how something happy can come from a divorce, but Jason and Jenny are enviably happy. 🙂
This also just reminds me of God’s forgiveness for our sins, however big or small. He loves us so much, and to him there is no other option but to forgive us. It’s so humbling. Thanks for that (needed) reminder.
The Christian community of leadership needs to step up to the plate and rescue the state of marriages. We cannot sweep these things under the rug for much longer; we need issues addressed to survive. Lots of Christian marriages are in the same state as your friend. It’s disheartening.
I can sympathize with your feelings for your girlfriend. My hubby and I watched a couple go through a divorce, and I’ll never forget the day she and I went to lunch, and she hit me with this comment: “My lawyer says that I shouldn’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t believe me or support me in my decision.” I sat there for a minute, picked my chin up off the floor, and said, “Well, then, I guess this is it.” And it was. My heart did ache as the divorce happened, and their family of 5 broke apart. I don’t keep in touch with her now. Can I say this loud enough: I HATE DIVORCE AND I HATE THE DEVIL!!
And thank you for the blessing and hope that God would do something incomprehensible for me. He is doing it everyday.
Wow- those words are very true, yes! Sounds like an interesting book, too!
Oh, and regarding your comment on Noah’s story- the link didn’t work! I’m going to search it on your blog here, but please email me again if you can! [email protected]
Steph
brilliant post.
That was probably my favorite of your posts so far, Amanda!
I agree with you… I hate divorce! Many, many members of my family are divorced. Holidays are now filled with awkward moments, bad-mouthing exes, and not knowing who has what kids for which holidays… it ruins it for everyone, not just the divorced couple!
HH and I will stay married, even if we can’t stand one another! We agreed!
Wow! This post was interesting. It always boggles my mind as to how these sorts of thing happen and the way some people can be so selfish. It has to be the devil…working really hard. One of my good friends in college, cheated on her boyfriend of 4 years with the interim pastor at the church she was attending and interning as children’s minister. The worst part was the pastor was married and had two boys. It lead to divorce of the pastor and his wife. Now the friend is marrying him. It just makes you wonder how either of them are able to trust one another. The friend turned into someone I could no longer relate to or understand. I tryed so hard to talk with her and “love her at all times” but it got really difficult. Anyway this reminded me of that and I hurt for the man and his situation. I hurt for the girl as well.
I think this post rings familiar with many of us and what we’ve experienced with our own friends. It really makes you wonder how important a vow really is to couples. It breaks my heart, too. Good post, Amanda.
Great post. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if everyone got married with the intention of *gasp* staying together? 🙂
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