Yesterday we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant. While Lydia was eating her fried rice and sipping egg drop soup, she suddenly looked grown up to me. I don’t know if it was because her hair was cute or because she doesn’t need any help eating or because she literally got taller the night before. But she was just more grown up!
Les has been telling her that every time she grows up he is going to give her a spanking. She thinks it is hilarious. And she loves to announce to us, “I think I grew last night!”
Later that day she said was washing her hands and apparently felt taller because she said, “I think I grew up!” She stepped out of the bathroom and said, “Now I can be a Mommy!” And I wish you could have seen her face—she was so serious. As if nothing could be more exciting. As if that was her main goal in life. I said, “Lydia, you will be a great Mommy.” And she must have seen the wistfulness in my eyes because she looked at me seriously and said, “Mommy, will you be sad when I grow up?” I grabbed her in my arms and said, “Oh, Lydia! I will be happy and sad. There is nothing more exciting to me than seeing you grow up. But I’ll be sad because I can’t kiss your neck anymore.” And here I kissed her neck till she screamed with laughter.
Then she said, “But you can still kiss my neck! And I can live here. My daughters can live in my room. And, uhm…I can live downstairs.” She went on to discuss how it would be when she grew up and lived in my house. If only!
When I realized that my love for Lydia grew with her, I was no longer sad that she was growing up. In fact, I look forward to Lydia and Asa growing up because I know I will know and love them more than I do now. But every now and then I get a little glance of life without a sweet little girl reaching up to give me a kiss or pretend it’s my birthday by giving me her toys wrapped up in blankets. I’ll miss hearing, “Moooooommmmmmyyyy!” first think in the morning. And I’ll miss, “But why? WHY? Why, Mommy?”
But. I will get to sleep late. So, there is that.