
my husband and me backstage last night
Last night my husband and I helped out at a little thing called the Drive conference. It’s a church ministry conference designed to help ministries keep up with cultural demands–so there’s lots of nitty gritty, “this is what we do” breakouts and big ideas in the main sessions with all the staff from North Point Community Church.
So, last night, Les and I did a showcase, or a sample preschool service for the attendees. We joined four other volunteers to sing with a room full of pastors and their staff members! I loved saying, “OK, boys and girls! Let’s all sit down and be quiet so we can listen to the Bible story!” to those grown-ups.
When I was a Children’s Pastor, I had very strong ideas about what church ministry should look like. Especially to kids. Now, that I’m a little bit outside the world, I’m not as adamant about the how’s. But I am adamant about the why’s.
I get the feeling that many parents think if they bring their kid to church on a semi-regular basis, the scales may tip in their favor and their kid will turn out right. Just like they take their kids to baseball to learn teamwork, ballet to learn poise and school to be educated, people drop their kids off at church and say, “Let’s let the professionals lead my kid to Jesus.”
And it’s an easy trap to fall into. Especially when you see a snazzy church like ours with cool sets, fabulous leaders and engaging lessons. It’s easy to let the church take the weight off your shoulders of raising your child to love and know God and His Word.
But it is a trap we cannot fall into! I just finished reading Connecting Church and Home by Tim Kimmel. The book is basically about this same idea—that parents have abdicated their role of pastors to their kids. While churches have abdicated their role of helping parents pastor! (Did that make sense? You might need to read that last sentence again.)
Church and home should be holding hands. Kimmel says,
“[The parent’s] job is to do the work of the ministry throughout the week in their children’s lives and then make sure they bring their family to church on full rather than empty when Sunday comes around. The church…is supposed to come alongside mom and dad as an ally, mentor and cheerleader.”
Isn’t that the kind of church you’d like to be a part of? Isn’t that the kind of parent you’d like to be? Me, too! The rest of Kimmel’s book was full of information that leans heavily into his other books about Grace-Based Parenting and was a lot of philosophy. Honestly, I couldn’t get into that part. Maybe I just didn’t get it. What I did like was the last two chapters or so where he explains how their church partners with parents and families.
Their church created this whole map to mimic a Disneyland map (hello! You know I liked that!) and it shows how the church sets up “stops” that will allow parents to influence their child on their journey of life. Stops like baby dedication, rite of passage at 13, spiritual gifts tests, college ready studies and even preparing for marriage events. I really love the intentionality of a church like this–one that doesn’t see their end goal as having a great weekend service but molding generations to love and serve God with their lives.
If you’re interested in this whole church-home connection, you should check out Kimmel’s book, Connecting Church and Home and their website Grace Based Parenting. And if you’ve got some time, I’ve written on this same thing a few times, too.
How does your church partner with you to raise your kids for the Lord?
I was given this book in order to facilitate a review. All opinions are clearly my own.
I love the picture of you and your hubby. 🙂 How cool that you two got to do a presentation together!
I’ve seen this book and am thankful for your review. I love how you write that “Church and home should be holding hands.” We’ve had a good experience with one of our children’s classes. The teacher works hard to talk to parents and equip them to continue the conversation started that morning. I wish they did more to intentionally train parents to disciple their children. They assume that parent’s aren’t (which is sadly true) and tend to go with the assumption that they are responble to do the discipling. Slowly but surely, they have added more ‘parent-training’ elements. Tim Kimmel spoke at our church a few years ago, so I’m thinking they’ll probably read his newest book!
I think that one of the main issues in churches is that adults approach it the same way- church is to fill me up and then I’m good the rest of the week! Makes sense that parents think the same with their kids when we have been catering to this mindset for way too long. My husband is the pastor of our small church, so we have the opportunity to be strategic and intentional about this- which I love! Last year, I did a Bible study with other moms working through “The Jesus Storybook Bible”. We would read to our kids during the week and then when we came together, we would discuss what God had been teaching us through the passages that we read from the different stories. I loved it!
We had a new family join our church and they did devotions with their kids based on the core values of the church! I think it is a beautiful thing when parents can share freely with one another the way that they are leading their families. THAT needs to be encouraged!!
Oh, my word- I always end up writing so much when I comment on your posts that really challenge me! Thanks for bearing with me! 🙂
Becky: I love hearing every word you say! Comments are NEVER too long! 🙂
YES to what you said about adults–it’s easy for us to “fill up” and not take an active role in our own spiritual development!
And what a blessing you are to your church to be able to pour into them as FAMILIES and not just as parts of the church. I love the Jesus Storybook Bible idea–you know I think everyone should read that book!
a
I will definitely be checking out this book. Right now I’m in the middle of reading Grace Based Parenting and although I’ve read similar books in the past, for some reason Kimmel’s really resonates with me. So I can’t wait to dig into Connecting Church and Home. My question is, what do you do when you attend a church that doesn’t have great programs for kids?
This is such a hard one, Jen! My first thought is find a church that does. 😉 But that’s not always probable or practical, I know.
Maybe you could start a prayer group for moms? Or a Bible study/small group that does some GBP or other video curriculum? Or maybe just pray for your church leadership that somehow God would show both of you a way to work together to raise kids for the Lord?
I hope that helps!
a
I love this! At the mid-week kids’ program at our church, my daughter always comes home with a news/update page that tells what they talked about that day, or for the month, and several ideas of how to connect on that topic at home…and it’s a range of different things, so that families are not believers or new to the faith, don’t have to choose something “deep” to focus on, although they can if they want. 🙂
Hi Amanda,
I was just having a conversation about this topic with a dear friend who then sent me your link. I recently heard Michelle Anthony speak about this very thing. I oversee Children’s ministries at our church, and we have been intentional about writing our own curriculum so that ALL of the children are learning the same story (age appropriately) so that families can talk about the same lesson with all of them. We have created family devotions, and email them to parents after the lesson – but now I’m thinking we will send them a few days BEFORE Sunday so that parents do the teaching, church follows up on it. I look forward to reading more of your blog! Blessings!