i want to be wilder

Bring The Awesome

by oh amanda on February 7, 2011

in me

Last year I felt a push to do hard things and to be wilder. This is not something that I’ve abandoned or even remotely conquered. In fact, it’s been even more solidified lately. Along with a few new phrases for this year…

You might have noticed I only posted ONE TIME last week. And I only posted once on Impress Your Kids, too. It’s not because I was disinterested. No, in fact, all I’ve been thinking about this post-Blissdom week is my blogs. But the broken record of my do-hard-things-be-wilder refrain was extended when I heard Scott Stratten speak at Blissdom. He said:

People don’t share “meh”. People share AWESOME.

I want to share Awesome on my blog and I want you to share it with others. Like MY Awesome. I want what I write here to be Awesome. I want it to be share-able. {I was already feeling this in November when I stopped posting 6 days a week.}

The funny balance here is that when my blog first started it was a creative outlet, then it morphed into a conversation with my readers and the blogging community at large. Somewhere along the lines, it’s changed (Twitter and Facebook are slightly responsible but also just the age of my blog) and now I feel like I have a responsibility to SHARE. It’s not my daily journal anymore. And if I chose to “meh” my blog, then all I’ll get out of my online relationships is “meh”.

Is this making sense?

Now, here’s where it gets cool. (And slightly less bloggy.)

I’m reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. (Who isn’t?) And I’ll admit, it takes some focused energy to read her. So, the first three chapters I loved and cried. But the fourth chapter—I got that gnawing thing in my stomach that said, “THIS IS YOU.” The whole chapter is about busyness and hurrying. Rather, how we like to focus on the busyness and the hurriedness instead of giving THANKS for the small, the seemingly insignificant and the hidden lovely.

She quotes Elisabeth Elliot and says,

Wherever you are, be all there.

Wherever you are–doing the dishes, playing with the kids, reading a bedtime story, writing a blog post or volunteering at church. Be all there–don’t think about all those things at once. Play with the kids while you are playing with the kids. Read a bedtime story while you are reading a bedtime story. Write a blog post while you are writing a blog post. Serve while you are serving. Don’t mix them. Don’t multi-task so much that you forget about what you’re doing.

Oh, I come at this from every angle and fall up short. How many times have I written a blog post in between flipping pancakes? (A lot.) How many times have I made a to-do list while playing games with the kids? (Tons.) How many times have I watched television with my husband while writing a blog post and pretending to listen to him? (Ouch.)

So here I am thinking about how I want my blog marriage kids life to be Awesome. And I realize why I can’t bring it. Because I’m not all there. I’m trying to do it all and be it all. I’m trying to “get it all done” and looking around my messy house (both online and off) and realizing I’m not doing any of it!

This doesn’t mean that I’ll be doing less than I’m already doing. Or elminating anything in my life. It just means that I’ll be here when I’m here. And when I’m not here? It’s because I’m bringing the Awesome somewhere else.

When I write a post, I’m going to be all there and bring the Awesome.

When I play with the kids, I’m going to be all there and bring the Awesome.

When I clean the house, I’m going to be all there and bring the Awesome.

When I spend time with my husband, I’m going to be all there and bring the Awesome.

Wherever you are, be all there. Bring the Awesome.

{ 79 comments }

laura ingalls wilder

When I first began this series I really thought it was going to be about making my kids (and myself) learn to DO  more. I had plans to share with you how we started a garden, how I was teaching Lydia to sew (or something like it), how my kids were going to do more chores than I’d ever done in my life and how we were going to buck the American dream of coasting through life.

As I began this journey I had no idea that God would work on the INNER parts of my heart instead of just the OUTER workings of my life. I may not be able to share online exactly what’s going on in there. It has to do with my parenting and my marriage. But right now I’m still working out the “wilder” part of it. Maybe when I figure out what’s going on I can share it with you to encourage and remind you what is possible when God gets involved in your life.

As I looked through my notes this week for the rest of this series, I honestly felt like I didn’t have much more to share. The things I wanted to say were suddenly not as important as what is going on in my heart. But, one passage in Farmer Boy stuck out to me as something I really think you’ll want to hear.

It was threshing time and Almanzo Wilder was helping his father spread wheat on the floor of the barn. Almanzo asks his father why he didn’t hire the threshing machine which could thresh a crop of grain in just a few days…

“That’s a lazy man’s way to thresh,” Father said. “Haste makes waste, but a lazy man’d rather get his work done fast than do it himself. That machine chews up the straw till it’s not fit to feed stock, and it scatters grain around and wastes it.

All it saves is time, son. And what good is time, with nothing to do? You want to sit and twiddle your thumbs, all these stormy winter days?”

“No!” said Almanzo. He had enough of that on Sundays.

Then they begin to beat the grains of wheat out of their husks by hand. Then separate them. This took them all winter.

This one is tough. “What good is time, with nothing to do?” Wow. I can think of a lot of things I can do besides separate wheat by hand. How about reading? Playing online? Watching movies? Going to the mall? Taking a vacation? Sleeping? The goal of work is to have FREE TIME, right?

Not according to Mr. Wilder. He saw work as the reason to live. And isn’t that really what God tells us in the Bible? When God created Adam he gave Adam the garden to TAKE CARE OF. When Adam and Eve sinned the curse to Adam was that he would have to work “by the sweat of your brow”. And I think the curse here is not on Adam being forced to work but that Adam’s work would be cursed. Not how God intended fulfilling and fruitful work to be.

Not to mention the strict warnings against idleness in 2 Thessalonians 3. Or the praise of a woman who is never idle in Proverbs 31. As I sit in front of my computer and listen to my washing machine, look at my full-of-clean-dishes dish washer while my children play with talking, flashing games, I feel absolutely IDLE.

I don’t want the goal of my life to have NOTHING TO DO. I want to DO. I want to work hard at things like keeping my home clean, cooking good meals and making sure my kids play outside. But I also want to work hard at my marriage, my relationships and parenting. I don’t want to be idle at any level. Think about what it means to idle in your car—you’re not going anywhere. Just wasting gas.

So, what does this mean practically? How does this work in your life? In mine? Maybe you don’t sit down on the couch to watch TV as soon as the kids are in bed. Maybe you read a book or join a study that will help you be a better wife (even if you don’t really want to). Maybe you choose to close down Tweetdeck during the day so you can focus on your kids. In fact, these ARE the things I’ve had to do to keep my life from being idle.

And the sad part? I didn’t know I was idling. I thought I was moving on pretty good. I didn’t know I was putting off a hard thing. I was content to idle and twiddle my thumbs.

What about you? Do you want to sit and twiddle your thumbs all these stormy winter days?

:: :: ::

See the whole  I WANT TO BE WILDER series:

Introduction
Part 1: Believing the Best About Your Kids
Part 2: Serving Others
Part 3: The Choice of Freedom
Part 4: Putting Off A Hard Thing

wagon wheel photo by greeney d mantis

{ 11 comments }

laura ingalls wilder

Do you remember in my I Want To Be Wilder intro I told you, “I can see day by day and week by week that I’m feeling new ‘hard things’ come into my life. I’m sensing the ability and desire to do things that from my previous mindset would be WILD.” I had no idea how true this was going to be.

In these past few weeks I have gone careening through several areas of my life (all progressively more important than the last) where I am suddenly seeing the need for things to change. I’m feeling like I’m on the edge of something so big and different that it is making me terrified.

I told you I felt like a sleeping person that was just waking up…and a person who had been underwater my whole life. Well, it’s happening in more ways than one. It’s more than how I school my kids or feed them. It’s more than the ability to serve my family. I didn’t realize I was praying the prayer for God to open me up and strip me down. I didn’t know I was asking God to make the dark places bright as day. But he has. And it is hurting.

I am at a crossroads. I have two choices: to go back to my normal underwater life OR to stand up, do some hard things and experience a new freedom.

The last chapter of Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder ends with a big decision for Almanzo. A neighbor, Mr. Paddock has asked him to apprentice as a wheelwright. Mr. and Mrs. Wilder talk about the possibility with Almanzo over dinner:

“Well, son, you think bout it,” said Father. “I want you should make up your own mind. With Paddock, you’d have an easy life, in some ways. You wouldn’t be out in all kinds of weather. Cold winter nights, you could lie snug, in bed and not worry about young stock freezing. Rain or shine, wind or snow you’d be under shelter. You’d be shut up, inside walls. Likely you’d always have plenty to eat and wear and money in the bank.”…

“But there’s the other side, too, Almanzo. You’d have to depend on other folks, son, in town. Everything you got, you’d get from other folks.

A farmer depends on himself, and the land and the weather. If you’re a farmer, you raise what you eat, you raise what you wear, and you keep warm with wood out of your own timber. You work hard, but you work as you please, and no man can tell you to go or come. You’ll be free and independent, son, on a farm.”

This passage struck me so hard when I first read it. Our society sees freedom as the ability to sit at a computer and order luxuries that are delivered to our doorsteps. We see freedom as the LEAST amount of work possible for the BIGGEST payoff.

Mr. Wilder saw real work—hard work—as freedom. Raising every single bit of anything he would need from the earth. He saw freedom in doing for himself.

There are so many parallels I feel in my own life. I don’t work for anything. My children don’t do anything that makes a difference in their actual living. This doesn’t make us free. We are bound by our affluence, our wealth and our tender feet.

But there is something more I’m seeing here. If I want real freedom in my life–freedom to experience all the fullness of my marriage, my motherhood, my friendships, my relationship with God, then I HAVE TO WORK AT IT.

I have been married for 12 years. I can’t let my marriage slide by with memories of college, traditions and past conversations. I can’t let my parenting skills be founded in something I read in a book before I was a parent. I can’t let my relationship with God stay the same as it was when I gave  him my life in 1st grade!

Oh, I hope you’re hearing me! I’ve just realized if I want the life I’ve always wanted I AM GOING TO HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. And I’m going have to work harder than I’ve ever imagined. I am going to have to give up my pride, lay down my desires and pick up my cross! Somehow I was surprised that when I asked God to show me the hard things He wants me to do and to give me the freedom I’ve always wanted, that I was going to have to get ready for the answer! I’m shocked that I’m even shocked by this. I didn’t realize that I had been stuffing my heart with the immediate and NOT the important!

If you want freedom, you have a choice: you can live in town and be safe inside four walls or you can run to the farm and work from dawn to dusk to raise everything you wear, everything you eat and everything that keeps you warm.

I want to make the choice that Almanzo made. He chose to be a Farmer Boy. And I want to be that free. I want to be the girl that has true freedom, freedom that is won by the sweat of my brow, the breaking of my heart and the shattering of my pride.

I want to be wilder.

:: :: ::

See the whole I WANT TO BE WILDER series:

Introduction
Part 1: Believing the Best About Your Kids
Part 2: Serving Others
Part 3: The Choice of Freedom
Part 4: Putting Off A Hard Thing

wagon wheel photo by greeney d mantis

{ 12 comments }

I Want To Be Wilder Part 2: Serving Others

June 21, 2010 i want to be wilder

I randomly saw a facebook status a few weeks ago about a Little House on the Prairie Musical. I had never heard of this and given my new obsession with the books, I knew I had to take Lydia!  So, Saturday night my mom, Lydia and I went to the Little House on the Prairie [...]

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I WANT TO BE WILDER: Part 1: Believing the Best About Our Kids

June 14, 2010 i want to be wilder

Thank you so much for all the great response to my first I Want to Be Wilder post. I’m so glad to see it struck a nerve—or rather that it revealed so many kindred spirits. Please keep commenting, I’d love for this to be a spot of like-minded people trying to figure it out together! [...]

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