by oh amanda on January 13, 2012
in writing
In that time between wakefulness and asleep, I have dreams. Or thoughts. Or half-dreams, half-thoughts. I tend to remember strange things about my past. Weird regrets. Or dumb things I said as a kid. Sometimes I have crazy dreams about people I haven’t seen in decades. (Yes, I’m old enough to say decades.)
It happened to me today. I was only partially awake and remembering something stupid I did a few years ago. And now here I am fully awake and I can’t shake that dumb regret. I was in the shower this morning talking to myself, “Amanda! Stop. Do not let your heart and mind go there. Think on the things that are lovely.”
But whenever I gave that thought even a tiny backward glance, it would jump out in full force again, taking over my mind. Covering over the here and now, the important, the present.
Why do I let myself dwell on past failures and old regrets? Why would I choose to live in the past when I have all this–THIS–here now? It’s a battle for me. To let my mind be fully awake. My heart fully awake.
I don’t want to be half-asleep. I don’t want my mind dreaming, categorizing and sifting through old pieces of my broken, human self. I want to be awake with eyes wide open looking at the future and the hope God has for me.
linked to one of my girl-crushes, the Gypsy Mama & her Five Minute Friday!
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by oh amanda on November 4, 2011
in writing
source: poppy thomas hill
I love to remember.
I love looking through old photos, reading old letters and finding my old camp t-shirts.
But sometimes remembering hurts.
I remember my foolishness, my can’t-put-them-back-in-my-mouth words and the feelings I’ve hurt.
Remembering can remind me of my true self: a sinner of the first degree.
Then I remember something else:
God doesn’t remember.
When I come to Him with regret and remorse, He turns to me with redemption.
He takes my sins and flings them as far as the east is from the west. And He remembers them…no more.
The pops-up-at-the-worst-times guilt isn’t a constant companion. Or he doesn’t have to be. We can choose to see us God does, through the eyes of forgiveness.
He forgives us. We can forgive ourselves.
And remember our sins…no more.
What freedom remembering does. Remembering who God is. How He loves us. And what He is willing to do for us!
Today, I remember, that God forgets.
linked to the delightful Gypsy Mama and her 5 Minute Friday
by oh amanda on October 14, 2011
in writing
{it’s blurry, but it’s just so Asa!}
His chubby little legs pump up and down as he makes laps around the island, the stairs, the couch and back to the kitchen island again. His soft feathery hair is dancing around on top of his head. The spot where his sister cut a chunk out (“he said he wanted me to!”) is wild in the wind. His dimples are as deep as the sea and he shreiks with glee,
“You can’t catch me! I’m the gingerbread man!”
He’s yelling it to all of us. To anyone that will chase after him and attack him with tickles and kisses.
When I chase after him and pin him to the ground, he giggles and screams, “No, Mommy! Noo!” But it’s too late, that gingerbread taunt could not be ignored.
I know one day he’d never dream of asking me to chase him.
But I always will.
God gave him to me, not just for me to enjoy, but to do the opposite of the Gingerbread Man’s family–to let him go. And although it pains me to think about it now, I’m excited.
{Ack! My 5 minute timer just went off! I did have more to say! Oh well, you’ll just have to wonder, won’t you?!}
linked to the Gypsy Mama’s writing prompt carnival, Five Minute Fridays.
