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love
Did you ever read The Five Love Languages? My husband and I did a small group with this book and it was very enlightening to say the least. The concept is that everyone “speaks” and “responds” in love languages. When your spouse doesn’t “speak” that same language your “love tank” can get empty and anger, hurt and resentment can set in.
For example, my husband’s love language is 100% physical touch. When I hold his hand at the mall or put my head on his shoulder, he knows I love him. I could personally care less about that. I mean, I like a good hug and kiss as same as the next person, but it doesn’t “fill up” my love tank! When I took the test to see what my language was, I actually TIED with three: acts of service, quality time and gifts. What can I say? I’m a high maintenance girl!
But since that initial test, I think my real language is quality time. Not just hours of time together watching tv. But when we are together, I want my husband paying attention to me and our household. When he’s on the phone the first 30 minutes he’s home, he might as well just not be there, you know?
After I fisnished the love language book, it was hard for me. I kept thinking, “Doesn’t he remember MY love language?! He knows how aggravated he gets when I don’t speak his. What about MINE?” See the problem?
Well, this is the motivation for Gary Chapman’s newest book, Love As A Way of Life. This book takes the love languages a step further. It’s not just a marriage book…it’s for any relationship in your life. Here’s part of an interview with Dr. Chapman & his description of the book,
Love as a Way of Life is designed to help the person who sincerely wants to make a positive impact in the world. I believe that is ‘most of us.’ Our biggest problem is that we don’t know how and we keep getting tripped up by our own selfish ambitions. The purpose of the book is to help us break free from the prison of selfishness and come to experience the satisfaction of truly loving others as a way of life. It is little acts of love that build up to a lifestyle of service.
There is nothing I want more than to have a lifestyle of service and model it for my family. The book covers the following qualities that will be strategies for a loving lifestyle: kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and honesty. And hopefully, like Dr. Chapman says, the result of taking this book to heart will be a real and genuine focus on others…
When love becomes the focus of ones life it will change every encounter we have with people. In the family, the husband is thinking, “what can I do before I leave for work that would be helpful for my wife?” Such thinking may lead him to take the trash out, put his breakfast plates in the dishwasher or feed the baby while his wife takes a shower. In the workplace, employees are asking, “on my break, what might I do that would help someone else?” They will also make time to listen to a co-worker who seems to be having a hard time with a personal issue. At the bank, post office, or cafeteria, the lover will look people in the eye and smile, perhaps opening the door to a conversation. They will express interest in what is going on in the lives of those they encounter.The focus is not on “it’s all about me.” But, rather on “It is all about others.”
Sound like something you need? I know I do! Well, I’ve got TWO copies from Random House/Doubleday to give away to you! All you have to do is leave a comment on this post. In your comment let me know if you’ve ever read The Five Love Languages…and if so, what’s your love language? (You know, so I can start speaking it!) If you don’t know it, you can head over to Dr. Chapman’s website and take the 30 second quiz! Try it!
I’ll pick a winner this weekend!
COMMENTS CLOSED. WINNER ANNOUNCED (somewhere up top…)
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I didn’t get to post my Sunday recap yesterday. It was my lil’ bro’s birthday. We went to a Japanese steakhouse (yum!) and then during Lydia’s nap, I read and just didn’t get online (gasp!). Last night was our neighborhood Bible Study. Les and I gave our little testimony/story. So, we were famous.
Yesterday was a guest speaker at church. You may have heard of him, Louie Giglio. One of the best speakers ever. He spoke about Hope When Life Hurts Most. It was an amazing sermon mainly full of a true story that you can read at Louie’s blog here.
In John 16, Jesus says, “I have told you these things so that IN ME you may have peace. In this world, you WILL have trouble. BUT TAKE HEART I have overcome the world.” (emphasis mine) Louie explained that some people live on the 2 extremes of this verse: some Christians believe God just makes life hard. Get over it. Others refuse trouble. But the reality is that both of these extremes are true at the same time. There is trouble AND there is an overcoming Savior.
So, the question is, when you have this trouble that will come, where do you turn? Hopefully, to the cross of Christ. When we look to the cross, when life hurts most, we will see 4 things:
1. At the cross we know and see God loves us. You can think because of your tragedy, “God has forgotten me! He doesn’t love me!” But if you look back to Jesus, God’s only Son, dying on the cross, you’ll realize and remember that God’s love for you has never changed. You’ll have that “blessed assurance” that God’s love is true.
2. God allows freedom but maintains control. WOW. This one is so big for me. We live in a sick and crazy world. People have freedom to do whatever they want. That’s why there is so much bad stuff. People always ask, “Why didn’t God stop this?” One day He will. And that’s the day Jesus will come riding a white horse and send the devil to the fiery pit. (yikes!) But right now, He’s allowing freedom, while maintaining control. An example: Jesus’ crucifixion. Did God control those Roman Soldiers? The Jews who were demanding Barabbas be set free? No! They chose their life and their words. But was God in charge of that whole scenario? YES!
3. God can use the worst for eternal good. Let’s continue our Jesus example. If we had been a disciple on Good Friday, we would have said, “God is dead. This is stupid and not what we thought.” But looking back we can see the amazing thing that God did!
4. God paints on a canvas bigger than you can see.
They closed the service with David Crowder’s new song, You Never Let Go. They lyrics say, “Joy and pain, sun and rain. You’re the same. You never let go.” This is how I feel about all this. The world is pain, rain and darkness. God is joy, sun and light. He doesn’t let go of us even in the middle of tragedy.
(If you were in our conversation about healing over at Jenny’s you may think I’d disagree with this sermon. I do and I don’t. I know many people left that sermon thinking, “Yup. God’s ways are higher. He makes bad things happen, and I have to go with it for the greater good.” While I agree whole-heartedly with everything Louie said, I didn’t leave the sermon thinking that. I left thinking, “God! Thank you for being in control. Thank you for being in midst of my tragedy. Thank you for making good come out of bad.”)
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