God

I had always hoped Asa and Lydia would take naps at the same time. That way I’d have my 2 little hours of alone time. Well, it doesn’t work out that way. I usually lay Lydia down, pick Asa up; then when I lay him down, I get Lydia up. My blogging time has completely waned and alone time? Never heard of it.

But getting that alone time with Asa while Lydia is asleep? It’s precious. Yesterday he smiled and cooed the whole time. He’d look right at my eyes and melt my heart. He was wearing some cute little camo pants from my aunt and cousin. He had a brown onesie on that accentuated his rippling muscles round tummy. He looked just like a little soldier.

And my mind wandered. What if he did grow up to serve his country? What if he becomes the kind of man who is willing to give his life for his country? What if my little boy gives the ultimate sacrifice for others?

Who is this little boy going to be? How can I help him be the man God has intended him to be?

Yesterday, while Asa was sleeping, Lydia and I played dress up. She was wearing a princess dress, plastic earrings, Cinderella shoes and a pink visor. As I clipped the little plastic earrings onto her ears, I thought about the day I’d see her wearing another dress—a wedding dress. I thought about helping her with her earrings on that day.

How do I help her prepare for her wedding…her marriage? How do my daily interactions help grow her into a woman that will choose the right man on that day?

I am surprised at how much I think about their futures. I think about their kindergarten class, their senior prom, their college graduation and their children. I want so much to use every bit of myself to influence them for God. I want to use every second of my day to help them grow into normal, smart, healthy, intelligent, loving kids and one day, adults. When I begin to think that I’m the one that determine their fate…well, it’s frightening and overwhelming.

I have to actively turn my mind from the frigtening things that could happen to what I know is true: I know their futures don’t depend on me alone. They will make their own choices. And God is the one in control–not as a chess player, but as the empower-er and director.

God’s already gone before them. He has all their days planned. And as I help them know Him, they’ll begin to follow Him on their own. And He will lead them to who He has planned them to be.

This is what I cling to. For their futures.

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