church

I recently found out that a pastor I have admired since I was a teenager has fallen in a terrible and very gross way. You hear about pastors and other clergy doing stupid things all the time. And it always makes me upset. But when I heard this news, I literally felt bile rise in my throat.

How? How can someone who has been so profoundly used by God live such a horrible and despicable double life? How can they be willing to give up their families, their reputations and their (dare I say?) souls for such debauchery?

I know the answer. It’s because he’s just a man. He’s just a human. People are people. We’re all sinners. Being a pastor doesn’t make you holy. Being a Christian doesn’t make you unable to sin. My sins are just as great and just as loathsome as these men that lead lives that are completely opposite of the very things they preach about. Sin is sin and every bit of it separates us from God.

But there is something so frightening about a sin you hide. There is something so scary about a person who actively looks for ways to satisfy selfish appetites. When my husband and I were talking about this pastor I got tears in my eyes and said, “I will never–EVER–do what he did.” My husband stopped what he was doing and looked at me right in the eyes and said, “I won’t either.”

But it got me thinking. I’m sure that pastor said the same thing. I’m sure most people who do some crazy selfish thing start off by saying, “I’ll never do that.” So how? How do we get so selfish? How do we get to the point that we are willing to give up everything–EVERYTHING for fleeting pleasure?

You know I’ve been reading The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns. It’s taken me several weeks to listen to it on my morning walks. Every day I get some new idea or revelation to chew on. The section I’m listening to right now is “The Hole In The Church”. Oh, there is so much I’d like to say about this {seriously, it makes my heart constrict just thinking about it} but today when I was listening I just had this connection in my mind.

The whole point of this part of the book is that the church is NOT doing what it is supposed to do. The church is supposed to bring equality to the poor. It is not the government’s job. The church should be light and salt by helping the poor, taking care of widows and orphans and proclaiming freedom to the captives. The church in all reality has lost its saltiness!

I feel like the American church has become so wrapped up in American culture that it does not think like the church should.  The way I’ve been feeling lately about my affluence and my underwater life is the same way the church is behaving. Our churches have gotten so wrapped up in buildings and programs and fame and affluence that we’ve forgotten to DO what God asked us to do. We’ve let pastors become celebrities. We’ve let denominations become gospel. We’ve let rituals become…well, rituals. We’ve forgotten to just DO for God. We’ve forgotten to just BE followers of Christ.

What does this have to do with the fallen pastor?

What if our local churches were more focused on the poor? the down-trodden? the unbeliever? Churches that only care about the few inside their buildings are missing out on what God has called them, nay, COMMANDED them to be. Richard Stearns quotes Pastor Morgan Chilulu in Zambia, “A church within its four walls is no church at all.”

Can I repeat that?

“A church within its four walls is NO CHURCH AT ALL.”

I feel like our churches are no longer churches. They are like previews of the gospel. Or fan fiction. Or even perversions of the truth. If pastors and churches were focused on giving to the poor, chasing after that lost sheep and glorifying God and His power, I just have a feeling that there would be less focus on self. Less focus on selfish appetites. Less focus on fleeting pleasure.

I have never ever written a post like this before. When I have braved into theological and church-y waters, I always find it to be rather polarizing. It’s hard because I am a church girl. I’ve always loved God. My degree is Christian Ministries. I am thankful to the local church for being a part of my spiritual journey, for showing me the Body of Christ and for loving me. I don’t want to bash the church so someone who does not know God can say, “See, even church-goers think church is stupid.” That’s not my point.

I’m merely examining my own self, my own life, my own understanding of church. This is honestly another step in my I Want To Be Wilder journey. I want to be a part of the Church that is really the Body of Christ–people that walk and serve and give and believe in the power and the might of God.

What are your thoughts?

photo by shirley buxton

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