abstinence

Last night I watched Eli Stone. I’m not sure if it was the most recent one because of my beloved Tivo. Anyway, it was about a girl who got expelled from school because during an Abstinence Only assembly she played “I Want Your Sex” by George Michael.

George Michael heard about this and wanted Eli Stone (he’s a lawyer in case you don’t watch the show) to represent her.

The whole thing ended up being that the girl felt like Abstinence Only is not really education. Some of her friends had contracted STDs and one got pregnant because they believed the ridiculous claims that condoms don’t work and girls who have abortions are more likely to commit suicide.

The principal said they had no other course of action because the government only gave them money for Abstinence Only. The girl was touted as a hero. The government as religious zealots (yes, “separation of church and state” was mentioned).

Now, I will step onto my soapbox.

What in the heck?! A teenager and George Michael give us statistics and the “facts” about Abstinence Only education? There are so many things that were just WRONG (not immoral, although there was that, too), just wrong and illogical.

I understand the argument that Abstinence Only glosses over “safe sex”. But since when do teenagers pay attention and follow anything safe? Can you really imagine a 14 year old girl who is about to have sex with her 16 year old “partner” and they are in the throws of making out and she says, “Oh wait. Let’s get a condom.” And he’s too excited to stop and ignores her. Is she going to stop him and remind him of the statistics she learned in her Safe Sex class? I’m sorry, but it’s just not going to happen!

When I was in college, I worked at an outlet mall. One of the teenage girls I worked with was dating a guy probably 5 years older than her. She told me that she confronted her brother about having unsafe sex with his girlfriend. The brother asked, “Do you always use a condom?” She said, “PRACTICALLY.” I almost laughed in her face. Practically?!

I just don’t understand why Abstinence Only can’t be considered education. Not to mention it makes the millions of people who do practice abstinence before marriage seem silly and immature. Which is not the case. I’m one of them.

When I was in college I took a speech class and because I’m a decent public speaker, I got good grades in there. But the only speech I got a 100 on was about abstaining from sex before marriage. I gave some examples of people in my family who had kids out of marriage and how their lives where affected–not just by the kids, but in other areas of their life, too.

In this speech class, we made comments on every speech we heard and gave it to the speech maker. I remember several of the notes I received said things like, “I know from experience that what you say is true.” Or “I’ve been thinking about sleeping with my boyfriend, I’m so glad I heard your speech first.”

I always remember this, and I say it now because those were real people. Not lawmakers or educators trying to make a pc class. Real people who had been affected by sex when they weren’t ready for it.

One of my favorite quotes sums up quite nicely what I believe about sex:

Strong desire is like a river. As long as it flows within the banks of God’s will—be the current strong or weak—all is well. But when it overruns those boundaries and seeks its own channels, then disaster lurks in the rampage below. –James Dobson, Sr.

So yeah, for me it’s a moral issue. But I also think it makes good logical sense. I just don’t think teenagers need education about how to have a better sex life.

***updated***

Wow! Thanks for such great open and honest comments! I’m loving this conversation. I just wanted to link to another abstinence-only post I wrote sometime last year. It has a few actual statistics and then my “plan of action” for bringing up my children to protect their bodies and sexuality.

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I bought a Sunday paper today because…well, I wanted to check out the coupons for Memorial Day. How sick is that? A day to honor the millions of men and women who have given their lives for our country and I’m checking out who’s having the best sale on swimsuits.

So, after I hit the coupon highlights, I decided to peruse the rest of the paper. And I found this article.

Ms. Downey suggests that the abstinence-only education in our middle and high schools didn’t work. According to a report released last month:

With abstinence only education:
56% of kids remained abstinent
23% had sex and always used a condom

Without abstinence only education:
55% remained abstinent
23% had sex and always used a condom

She then suggests that we throw our abstinence-only education out on it’s ear and give kids the truth, “Teens need accurate and complete information, both to prevent unwanted pregnancies and to protect themselves from infections.”

Well, isn’t that a great idea? Teach them the truth!

The truth is sex before marriage is a bad idea! The truth is middle and high schoolers ARE middle and high schoolers. The truth is parents are afraid to talk to their kids. The truth is schools can’t teach kids morality! We’ve taken away the right to have morality and faith taught in school. So, when we sit our kids down and say, “Marriage is important. It is to be cherished. Don’t have sex before you get married.” You know the students are all wondering why this teacher who can’t say “Merry Christmas” or pray before a football game can give advice on a moral issue!

Abstinence-only education in schools doesn’t work because it’s out of place. And it saddens me. I wish every school taught abstinence-only. I wish the statistics showed 99% of kids not having sex because of the education.

How can something like this work in a society that sells cars with bikinis? That shows adultery as a right? That portrays “friends with benefits” the norm? That shows sex as a flippant decision? That deems porn a way to blow off steam?

I don’t even know why the government, the media or our “secular society” even cares about kids having sex. It’s hypocritical to me. Sex is everywhere. We’ve woken our kids sexuality up too early and then tell them to curb it? It’s not going to work.

My daughter has sippy cups with a girl wearing a bikini on them. Elementary and middle schools have dances so pre-pubescent kids can wrap their arms around each other and sway to music in a darkly lit room. Limited Too sells string bikini panties for size 6. Bratz dolls wear mid-drifts and mini skirts.

What else are our girls going to do and our guys going to expect when they reach high school?

This article is sad to me because I agree with the results. I agree it’s not working. I’m not saying we should stop abstinence only education! I heartily disagree! Throughout the whole article, I did not hear one word of how we should fix this problem. I guess pass out more condoms. (As if the physical problems were the only effect of pre-marital sex!)

I wish we could have parent education. So parents could learn to teach and yes, train their kids to protect their bodies, their emotions and their future marriage! I wish we could have teacher education. So teachers could speak up and say, “This isn’t best for you. I know from experience.” The only thing I *can* do is influence my children. And pray that others will do the same.

Song of Solomon, a sensuous book in the Old Testament has it right,