A few weeks ago my friend Amy sent me an email. She said, “I might have mentioned I’m writing an ebook. Would you read this rough draft and tell me what you think?”
I was sucked in by the title, “Entangled: Recognize Your Emotional Affair, Restore Your Marriage” and didn’t stop reading until the last word.
As I read I thought, “I’ve never had an emotional affair. I mean, this will be a nice read and I can promote her book for her.” Instead, I felt convicted. Not because I’d had an emotional affair with another man. No, but because I so easily put myself in the center of my marriage. In the center of my home. In the center of the universe. ME.
Amy relays in clear detail the inner-workings of her heart and mind as she walked into this relationship. Many of the descriptions were thoughts I’ve had in marriage–and thoughts I’m sure you have, too. On the days you feel unappreciated and unloved, the thoughts that rise to the top are not of service or love to your husband, or the desire to strengthen your marriage. Amy helps you identify those thoughts as poison and then change them!
Each section of the book is full of not just Amy’s confession or her story–but steps for you (for me) to take in order to restore our marriage to what it should be: two people becoming one. My favorite part of the book was when she tells about going to a counselor. The counselor suggests Amy and her husband each write a list of offenses. Not offenses the other one had made towards them, but the offenses THEY had committed against their spouse. Then they were to take their lists and read them aloud to each other.
I CANNOT IMAGINE DOING THIS.
I know I hurt my husband. I am not remotely a perfect wife. Sometimes I’m a terrible wife! But to write down all the bad things I’ve done to my husband? And read them to him? Amy said she could barely speak she was crying so hard. She says, “Even though
I could make a list a mile long of ways he had offended me I realized that I was every bit as guilty, even barring the affair. That started a process of confessing and forgiving. Again and again. Communication and forgiveness is the absolute key to our commitment.”
Wow. Confessing and forgiving. Is that a part of your marriage? Your romantic relationship? Communication? Confession? Forgiveness?
No matter what state your love life is in, if you’re single, newlyweds, married for 40 years or in the throws of an emotional or physical affair yourself, you need to read this book. God will speak right to your heart. It might hurt a little, but He’ll be there to encourage and strengthen you, too.
Thank you, Amy for being brave enough to share your story with us! I love seeing how God takes ashes and brings about beauty!
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That is so true! I think we spend most of our time trying to justify ourselves, instead of being totally open with those we love. How do we expect to experience real intimacy if we don’t honestly share what’s on our hearts–even the bad stuff? Great thoughts!
I’ve written a bit about emotional affairs, too. And what I’ve found is that people don’t deliberately start falling for someone else. They drift into it because we get careless. So don’t get careless! Keep those lines of communication open, even when it’s difficult, and these things are so much less likely to happen.
Thank you, Sheila! It’s true–it’s easy to drift and then suddenly you’re miles from where you started!
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Totally agree, it was definitely nothing deliberate on my part and actually took me by surprise.
I’m going to go check out your post. thanks, Sheila!
Wow, that’s a powerful message. I hope the book does really well because if it touched you the way it did I’m certain it will be a blessing for so many. Awesome!
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