photo by the ridiculously talented Beth Fletcher
Every day I wonder if what I’m doing is ok.
Is right.
Is good.
My kids watch TV during breakfast. Should we sit at the table and talk instead?
I blog during their naps. And sometimes I surf. And tweet. And ignore my inbox. Should I do the laundry instead?
I make dinner at 5pm. Maybe I should think about it before then?
I discipline. Should I spank instead? Or try a time out? Maybe I should just ignore the bad behavior?
I get up at 6 and still can’t squeeze a shower in before Asa gets up. Maybe I should get up at 5:30?
I read other blogs and think, “Oh, I should have written that!”
I forget the important things because I’m focused on the now. Or because I don’t want to think about the hard.
And every day this happens again. It’s like Groundhog’s Day in the life of a stay-at-home mom. I wonder how I’m doing. If I’m doing what God wants. And then the next day I wake up and try to do better.
I’m not sure if it’s a treadmill. Or if I’m getting up one step closer, one day closer, one hurdle closer to where God wants.
I know God orders my steps. He’s planned a life of hope for me. Am I spending my life following what he’s laid out?
What if every day we could see the progress we made? What if every day we changed one thing to get closer to what God has? What if every day were a step toward the good in store for us?
I think it is.
Even when I don’t feel it.
Don’t see it.
Can’t feel it.
Jesus promised he’d never leave us or desert us. Not one day. Every day He is with me.
And I’d be a fool to think he was standing idly by.
:: :: ::
linked to the sparkler of a woman, the Gypsy Mama and her 5 Minute Friday.
Oh, I can *SO* relate to this–it’s like you just leaped into my brain and wrote down my every thought residing in the “parental worry” region! I constantly second guess and question whether I’m doing enough, am balancing it all well enough, am spending my time and my days getting it all right. I love how real this is–I think every stay-at-home mom can relate. Thank you for sharing your heart. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who wonders these things on a daily basis!
Oh I am so so glad you hit publish! You have just perfectly described my days too – I thought we must be the only family who lets their kids watch TV while eating breakfast and I constantly feel guilty about it. But man, it sure makes an easier transition and less battles in the mornings.
I think this may be my favorite five minutes you’ve linked yet.
happy Friday friend,
LJ
This is so great! It’s real, honest, and ultimately encouraging. (Beautifully written as well). I’m glad I was able to read this today. 🙂
What a great post, Amanda! I’m a firm believer in families that do what works for them. It won’t necessarily fit everyone’s life but if it works for them then go for it! Jesus convicts each person of different things. Just because you might feel it’s wrong to one thing, Jesus might have convicted someone else of a different thing (at least the things that aren’t plainly laid out in the Bible). Hope I made sense ;).
Wow, your transparency is life-giving. I am so grateful for your encouragement in the reminder that He sees our path, our progress towards Him, even if it seems so small or hidden to us. Beautiful voice. Thank you.
I think maybe we all have these same doubts, sometimes more than others. It would be nice if we had a playbook of how things are SUPPOSED to be.
Your days are my days. And I think sometimes I feel the judgement from others, because I let my kids have a doughnut, or allowed them to watch tv during breakfast. Then I think I have done everything wrong and everyone is right about me.
I LOVED this post. 🙂
You captured my thoughts!! The treadmill/the Groundhog Day feeling. I am happy/content, but yet unsure…
i feel like i’m forever re-evaluating and questioning how i spend my time as a primary stay at home mom / part time business owner and blogging enthusiast as well. so many interests/obligations/holy callings –
no answers here, just assuring you you’ve got company on your present road. 😉
Love you. Love this. Can relate on SO many levels and am so thankful every day to serve a God who takes me like this. While still striving not to yell, not eat a bag of chips at one time, actually serve the Lord WHILE serving my family. Small steps. Very thankful for small steps.
Maybe one day they will actually BE on a treadmill… 🙂
And THAT comment is why you should be blogging. You make me smile, blush and laugh all at the same time (in a good way!). 😉
Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, Thank You!
I feel like this all the time. For as wonderful as being a mother is, it sure can make a gal feel inadequate a lot of the time! I suppose all that can really be done is to say a prayer and go forward with love!
I love this, friend! I also wonder if the way I’m spending my time and the direction I’m going is the right one. I claim to have had a 10-year quarter-life crisis!
Oh yes, it does feel like groundhog day for moms. Years full of days, piled one on top of the other. I wonder if I’m making any progress. But suddenly (it happened so fast) my oldest is 19. And I see all the lessons and days and time spent raising her has been fruitful. And when I look back at the mom I was when she was little and the mom I am to my kids now (youngest is 8) I can see I have grown too. Closer to God and closer to who He wants me to be. Even though there’s still so far for me to go, it’s those groundhog days that work to pull me closer to Him.
My number 8 got turned into 8) Html strikes me again 😉
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