The other night as I was putting Lydia to bed she stopped me and said, “I…I…I am scared…” I said, “Scared? Scared of what?” We have been through fear with Lydia. First it was big tall men, then thunderstorms, then fireworks and talking to adults. But what could she be scared of in our own home?
She finally (after several minutes of coaxing) said she was afraid of someone coming into our house and ultimately into her room. I was shocked. “Who told you that? Did you see it on TV? In a book?” And she said no, it just popped in her head.
And since then it has been nighttime drama. She insists she “can’t” get rid of the thought. We’ve talked about thinking on things that are lovely (Philippians 4:8) and how God can give peace (Psalm 4:8) and about 12000 other verses that are appropriate and helpful. So, she’s been staying awake in her bed for hours and then getting up early. Which results in such BAD BAD behavior the next day. (Honestly, I think I’m going to write a post how no sleep=bad behavior.)
Scripture is really the only way I know to combat any of this stuff. Sleeping with all the lights on doesn’t solve the problem. You certainly can’t discipline her. But she is getting to the point of arguing and manipulating me with continuing to talk about how she “can’t” and “but it’s still in my mind!”, etc. etc.
I’ve got the feeling that she needs something tangible. A few people suggested putting some “safety powder” or spray around the room (just any old spray or powder and call it magical!). And although I understand the thought behind it, I don’t want my daughter to trust in something so trivial and false. I need her to (on a 5 year old level) deal with this the best she can.
So, we made a Scripture verse reminder tool. It’s called, “My God Can”. I got the idea from Dennis Lee an amazing ventriloquist I met at Children’s Pastors Conference one year. The pun is that it is “my God can” but really it’s a can that holds all the things MY GOD CAN do!
We just wrapped a raisin container with paper and then decorated it. We memorized Job 42:2, “I know that you can do all things.” and then began to think of all the scriptures we knew about the great promises of God. For each scripture we picked an object to put in the can.
When Lydia begins to feel scared or out-of-control she can go to her God Can and look through the objects and remember each promise that goes with it.
We’re going to have to go on a search (even to the store) to find some of the objects we need. But right now we’ve got 3 items:
- a puffball to remind us of Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns anger away.” This is to help her be gentle with her brother.
- a candle to remind us of John 8:12, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Perfect for dark nights in your room.
- a rock for Psalm 40:1-2 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” She really recognizes that her fear is a slimy pit and she needs God to lift her out and help her stand firm.
Lydia listening to Psalm 40:1-2 on Seeds and playing with the objects in her God Can. See how the puffball is on top of the rock?
Along with this we turned on Seeds of Worship’s Seeds of Courage
Philippians 4:8 {a flower to remind us of the lovely things we should think about}
Philppians 4:6-7 {not sure, but this verse is about the peace of God guarding our hearts. Maybe a little knight? Or army man?}
Philippians 4:13 {this is the one she needs to help combat the “I can’t!”–maybe a little strong armed guy?}
Isaiah 41:10 {her favorite song from Seeds and we’re hoping to find a little hand!}
Psalm 4:8 {a little pillow to remind her of sleeping in peace}
Isaiah 26:3 {this is another one about keeping your mind fixed on God and having peace…not sure of an object}
I’m hoping this will be the tangible visual item she needs to help focus and relax her mind. The main problem is that she keeps thinking there is an “easy fix”. Every time I tell her to sing a song or think about something else she argues, “But I did! And that thought is still there. It’s like half my mind is good and half is bad.” I explained that just like medicine is taken in doses and food is eaten 3 times a day, God’s Word has to be continually feasted on. I pray these objects will remind her to continually focus on what God CAN and WILL do for her!
LOVE THIS IDEA!!
You should have a printer friendly version of this. (or maybe I’m just missing it) This is a great idea!
This is a great idea. Might be something we could do with my childens church kids too. I also thought maybe the numbers 365 for how many times the Bible mentions the the phrase -do not fear-. Thanks for the idea.
This is my first time visiting your blog, and I love this idea! I have a 2 year old who seems to have a fearful nature, and I am stockpiling this idea in case I need it in a few years.
I was just like Lydia when I was a child. I was SO fearful of going to sleep and what could happen when I was vulnerable. It still rears its ugly head even today. I feel like a lot of this could have been dealt with better when I was a child instead of now! What a wonderful, tangible way to remind her of God’s watchful eye!
Amanda, this is an awesome idea!! I’m going to follow Lisa and do this in my KIDS Worship. We’re doing Ashes to Fire right now and talking about how Jesus came to take away our sins and our fears. This is perfect!! I think I may go a step further and have the kids add things that they are afraid of and that God can take away. Thanks again for sharing!!!
Just a thought for the last verse (Isaiah 26:3)…what about a sticker that has a peacful picture (maybe smiley face, peace sign, whatever) since stickers get “fixed” to stuff.
Love this idea! I definitely want to do it with my Lydia when she’s a little bigger!
I get your posts in my email every day, it’s like a touchstone for new ways to interact with my kids in a Godly way. I love this idea! I was thinking for the last one of a sticker of Jesus or maybe a little cross pin. She can “fix” on herself. My 3-yr-old was sitting on my lap while I read this and asked about the “cake and ice cream and candle” in the can, so I was explaining and reading the scriptures to her! 😉
Does your little girl understand the dove as a symbol of peace? Maybe you could cut a picture of a dove from an old Christmas card?
For the hand, maybe she could trace her own hand to remind her that God’s hand is in hers?
I think this is a very, very sweet idea!
Oh I just love this idea!! Thanks for sharing! (I, too would live abprintable list of ideas if you ever make one!)
Amanda! This is such a good idea! We may have to do something like this at some point.
When my boys went through the scared-of-the-dark thing, we did happy thoughts at bedtime. Essentially, we count our blessings and think of the things that make us happy. We can’t think of the good stuff and bad stuff at the same time. This has been such a blessing for us! (I am concocting how I am going to scrapbook this even. I never want to forget this stuff!) The last thing they think about before prayers and drifting off to sleep are the things that make my boys happiest; bugs, mud puddles, popcorn, mom & dad, m&m’s, etc. This has really helped us. Maybe it will help you or someone else.
Oh Amanda! That is such a great idea, we may have to try that!
Just an idea, maybe to help you or someone else, but this is what we do every night to combat the fear that comes with night time. Our thoughts are powerful, obviously. I tell my boys that and we count our blessings through ‘happy thoughts’. My boys take turns telling us what makes them happy and then they blow out a candle in the dark. This has been such a blessing for us. (I am planning the scrapbook in my head because I never want to forget this. They say some of the most precious things!) It gets their minds off of the things that scare them and onto the things that make them happy and thankful.
I also really love this idea. My 4 year old has a crazy fear of the electrical outlets, and its really difficult not to be frustrated with something that seems over the top to me. To her its a real fear and therefore makes total sense. The God Can is a fabulous tool for teaching scripture, and adding to it.
This is my first time looking through your blog, and I am REALLY enjoying it! I was thinking one thing that might be helpful to your daughter would be to help with the evening lock-up routine? So that she is confident in the security of your home. Just a thought…
I love this! My daughter has been going through the same thing. We have tried the light, praying with her, laying with her, nothing has worked. I am praying this might really get at the heart of her issue and give her peace. As always, thanks for the great idea.
Michelle: I went out of town the next day so I wasn’t with her…BUT the first day she had it she was SO excited about the God Can that she wasn’t even remotely scared. I just like the idea of having this God Can b/c we can add to it as we learn new verses and pull it out at the drop of a hat!
Have you seen this post?
http://mamahooper.blogspot.com/2011/02/true-things.html
This is gorgeous! Such a great exercise. I’m going to try that…
I really like your idea and think it is one you can build on over time. Maybe you can tie it to your bedtime routine with your daughter. Each night read a bible story together. I recommend Karyn Henley’s “Before I dream bedtime storybook”. The stories are geared to help little ones settle down for the night with good thoughts of how great is our God. Maybe the next day you can together look for an object to remind her of the story she heard the night before.
I absolutely LOVE this idea. Thank you so much for sharing it! I’m excited to try it with my group of kids at church!