thankful for Lydia’s eyelashes, her mothering and her need of hugs
I’m reading One Thousand Gifts
Every chapter has been fantastic so far {Chapter 4 was amazing!} but this morning I read Chapter 7 like a starving woman. It begins with a story of Ann’s two oldest boys getting mad at each other and one of them throwing toast at the other. They were both sulking, lashing out and being downright rude. {And selfishly, how great did that make me feel? That she has out-of-control kids at times, too!}
She is obviously scrambling as to how to respond. She wants to shake the older one and demand he snap out of it. Instead she prays, “‘How do I fix this? Them? Me?’ In the messy Jesus whispers, ‘What do you want?’ and in the ugly, I cry, ‘I want to see-see You in these faces.'” (page 125)
I circled that line in my book. I want to SEE—SEE Jesus in the faces of my kids. Not just Jesus shining through them. Not just his attitudes and desires as their own. But I want to see them as the image of God and not just a child disobeying. I want to see them as souls designed to connect with their Creator and not as a pesky preschooler.
But how?
How do we see Jesus in our kids? How can we look at them and see the Imago Dei? And when will we ever see his qualities radiating out of them?
Ann’s whole book is about giving thanks, recording thanks and recognize the grace–the gifts of God all around us. So, instead of demanding obedience from her toast-throwing boys, she gives thanks for them. Under her breath she says thanks for her two sons–specifically and personally. And it’s then that she is speaking “the unseen into seeing”. The temperature of the room doesn’t change. Her sons attitudes don’t change. But hers does. And she is an open cup ready to be filled from God and then able to pour back into her son’s lives.
Romans 4:17 says, “the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.” This is a final sentence on a section about Abraham—how his body was as good as dead, but he considered God faithful to his promise and conceived a son. God gave life to Abraham, Sarah and Isaac. He called their dead bodies into being!
And when Ann stopped to give thanks for her sons, I saw those words leave her mouth and God turn them into life for her boys. That small act of thanksgiving stopped the crazed-parent and spoke life and love into a teachable moment. Ann says, “A parent must always self-parent first, self-preach before child-teach, because who can bring peace unless they’ve held their own peace?” (page 124)
thankful for Asa’s funny faces, his round tummy and his joy
Am I making sense here? I didn’t want to let this day go by without recording my thoughts about this–and getting your insight, too. There are so many days–so many minutes that I stand aghast at my children. Just this morning, after I set down my book and Bible, Lydia was whining, complaining and disobeying me about a laundry basket. A laundry basket! I made myself stop and say, “Thank you for Lydia’s white little face.” {She’s so pale!} And literally, on the inside of me I felt an unwinding. I felt a salve work its way into the attitude that I got from HER attitude!
I’ve known it a long time but love to remember it and remind myself: parenting is more about me than them. I need to self-parent so I can lead my children. I need to have peace, so I can show them how to have peace. I need to have self-control so they can mimic me.
After the laundry basket episode, we had another dishwasher episode and instead of yelling, spanking, punishing or making her do the dishes, we prayed together. I asked God to give Lydia strength (Philippians 4:13) to obey and honor Mommy (Exodus 20:12) and to do her job for the family without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2:14).
And do you know what she did? She walked over to the dishwasher and began working–without an attitude, without a complaint and with peace surrounding her.
I’m not suggesting no discipline in lieu of prayer-time. But the idea that I’m holding on today is that when a situation arises, I need to see Jesus in my kids’ faces. I need to self-parent first. Then use what He gives me to give to them.
What do you think? Do you self-parent? How hard is it to see Jesus in your kids’ faces?
This post really spoke to me! Thanks for all you do, you inspire me to be a better mom!!
What a wonderful post! I am reading Ann’s book too…LOVE it! Just wait until you read Ch. 8…another favorite for me.
Oh the self-parenting part in that chapter hit me HARD. I’ve more often than not totally failed at this and been all reactionary. Never thinking to even look for Jesus in my boys. Makes me so sad to think about scars I’ve left on little hearts. But I know His grace is helping me move forward and through giving thanks He is enabling me to change generations!!
appreciate your honesty!
Blessings!
LIB
http://bit.ly/i5pPMF
I love that chapter too. I was hanging on every word to see what she would say to him and how he would respond. I love the idea that we must self-parent first.
Thanks for writing this! I can always tell how my mood (good or bad) and how I handle things affects the entire family, especially how the kids behave. I have this book, and really need to get started reading it!
What a wonderful way to start my morning! Thank you for the inspiration – our faith group just talked about seeing Jesus in others’ faces!
Wonderful post. I too am reading Ann’s book and gained so many life changing insights from it.
Amen, Amen, & Amen! It is so true, in parenting them, WE are taught. I have never grown as much spiritually as now when I am in the midst of parenting. It is sooo hard! and sooo good! Giving thanks IS a balm, and I am so grateful for Ann sharing the insights of her journey with all of us. Blessings.
Thank you, Ginger! It’s a hard lesson, parenting! But you’re right–so good! 🙂
Hi, loved your post, I believe this subject to be of huge importance and all parents should take this into consideration. Children are the greatest gift and parenting the worlds biggest learning curve. If you’d like to read more information relating to this, visit free parenting information
Oh, Amanda – I so needed this right now. I haven’t gotten to chapter 8 in Ann’s book yet… I continue to cry out “Why is this so HARD?” but I forget it is me that needs to change, and THAT’S why it’s so hard.
You said it, Leigh. It’s ME. *sigh*
Found your blog tonight and needed these thoughts more than you will ever know. Thanks
I have her book on order…I can not wait to get it & dig in. But, I’m SO glad I came across this post today. SO glad…you have no idea!!!! I have been feeling like I have been spending so much time at “war” with my 3 yr. old. I have always had a strong will and apparently she inherited that from me so, I often feel as though we are butting heads on everything. She argues with me!! I wasn’t prepared for that…I thought that came in the pre-teen years at the least. I often find myself getting so irritated and angry at this beautiful, precious gift God has given me. I never imagined, when she was first born that I could ever get so angry w/ her. I’ll find myself retreating to my room and sobbing because of how I yelled or screamed at her…how I was so reactive to her behavior & mood. (Geesh…I (ME, MYSELF & I) really need to grow up!!!) She is only 3, she is beautiful and delightful and full of wonderment and joy. I want to enjoy her to the fullest. Thank you God for this beautiful ray of light that you have allowed me to care for. Thank you for her fun and spirited nature. Thank you Jesus, for my Mikaela!
Just another thought…as I have sat here at the computer sobbing w/ conviction and begging God tho change ME. I aksed him to let her (Mikaela) see Him in MY face so that I can then see Him in hers. That is where it has to start…our children need to be able to see Jesua in OUR faces before we will ever be able to see Him in their faces. Again…Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I had finished my current devotional book and decided to look for a devotion online and found your page…God knew I needed this. Thank you Jesus.
Thank you, Amanda for the beautiful comment! I know exactly how you feel–parenting is shocking! Who knew you could be so in love and so angry at the same time?! It surprises me that it my kids’ sins SURPRISE me! I forget they are their own singular people–with hearts and desires and sin nature! I mentioned the incourage book club–and the post about Chapter 7, Angie has a great suggestion for helping us self-parent: http://www.incourage.me/2011/02/chapter-7-of-one-thousand-gifts.html (it’s the written portion, not the vlog).
Oh, and when my daughter was around 3 is when we memorized Philippians 2:14, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” We’ve probably quoted that verse more than anything else in our entire house! It’s for me as much as it is for them!
I meant Jesus (not Jesua)
I think we’re learning some of the same lessons…
Great post.
I think it’s easier to see Jesus in their faces, when as you suggested, they can see His face in mine.
Exactly. I’m off to read your post… 🙂
One of my unconditiona love language rules is to see my children how God sees them. Your post really helps me to take this one step further. I have been dealing with issue lately (that you describe) and I so want to punish, take away, et al. And you have offered the perfect solution! I a mom is never too old to learn:) You have blessed me! And, yes, getting Ann’s book is on my to-do list this week!
I’m giving away a copy of this book on my blog this week because I loved it so much!
Thank you so much for this post….. I’ve really been struggling with getting my 4 yr old to obey and feeling just burned out as a mother. I’m so thankful Kat on Inspiredtoaction posted the link to this blog, it has helped me gain perspective again.