Last night my husband and I got into a fight. It was a pretty good one in that we both ended up rolling over in bed and going to sleep with our backs to each other. I may have even muttered, “UNBELIEVABLE.” before I turned out the light. Nothing like a good fight before you go to sleep, huh?
In fact, I don’t think I slept very well last night because of it. Anyway, early this morning (like 5:25am, when Asa woke) I was laying in bed wondering if my husband was awake and recalling last night’s mean words. I wanted to make up. I wanted to say something nice but I couldn’t. I kept thinking, “It was MORE his fault!” Then I remembered something our pastor shared a few weeks ago.
He used to do counseling–marriage and whatever else came his way. He said he was terrible at it because he’s not very…empathetic. (His words, not mine.) So usually when a woman would be going on and on about how horrible her husband was behaving, he’d hand her a piece of paper and say, “Draw a pie chart with two pieces—one piece to show how much of this chaos is your husband’s fault. And the other piece to show how much is your fault.” He said every single time the charts ended up looking like this:
And although this may be completely accurate (as I’m sure it was last night!), there’s still a portion that is MY FAULT. And really, this is the only piece of the pie I can do anything about. Is reminding my husband he’s at fault going to help him? Nagging him? Telling him I’m NOT at fault? Nope. It’s only going to add to the mess.
So, I finally decided to suck it up and roll to the middle. I backed myself into his arms and said, “Sorry about last night.” He said, “It’s ok.” And it was over. Just like that. Forgotten? Probably not. Still need to be talked about? Maybe. Forgiven? Totally.
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Want to learn more about controlling your temper? Check out Lisa-Jo Baker’s Temper Toolkit for moms–>