Yay! It’s my very first guest-blogger! Jessie, from Vanderbilt Wife, one of my very bbb is here today. She is an incredibly genuine, transparent, articulate, funny, creative, intelligent woman who blogs with obvious love for her family, for God and for good grammar. Please give her lots of love and don’t forget to visit her own bloggy home, Vanderbilt Wife!
Yesterday, I worked an eight-hour day, complete with a video shoot. I picked up the baby from daycare, took her to Target, came home, warmed up dinner, fed us all, played with her on the floor, made banana bread while holding the baby, nursed twice, put her to bed, washed, dried, stuffed, and folded 17 cloth diapers, picked up the kitchen, washed dishes, paid bills, and spent a little quality time with my husband.
If I think about it too hard, I start to panic a little. Most days, I feel like a complete basket case, one tantrum away from a mental breakdown.
Eight and a half months ago, I had no idea what was in store for me. And while it’s a crazy life, it’s what I’ve learned to be used to at this time.
I’ve had several people tell me they admire me, can’t believe how I do it all: work full-time, go to church, be a mother, be there for my husband, cook. It always makes me laugh because I feel so un-put-together most all of the time. But the answer is, really, that’s all I do.
Right now, I don’t volunteer. I don’t take Libbie much of anywhere unless I have to. My husband and I have had a sum total of one date since we’ve had her (not that I’m proud of that fact). I don’t clean unless I have to (which is unfortunately a lot, with a house on the market). I only do what I know I can do well and enjoy: mother, be a wife, blog, cook, and be with Jesus. For me, those are the bare minimums.
It’s different being a working mom in a blog world full of SAHMs. Some days I grow weepy thinking about how I’m not there for my daughter enough. Some days I am grateful to have someone to hand her off to, someone else to deal with the whining and continual rescuing of the pacifier. I’m confronted every day with a blogosphere of women who have the time to do the simple things I long to do: go to the zoo; take a picnic lunch to a park; heck, even go to the grocery store not during the after-work rush.
And yet, now that I’m approaching a time where it is going to be possible for me to join the ranks of the SAHM army, I’m hesitant. First of all, I feel loyal to my fellow work-outside-the-home mommy bloggers. Will I let them down by stepping out from the workforce?
But secondly and more pressing, can I do it? Can I not go to work every day, leaving my babe in the hands of someone much more experienced and knowledgeable than I? What if I hate being at home? What if I don’t know how to be a mom for more than two hours a day and weekends?
Being a mother is hard, period. I’ve found my best method of mothering is accepting where I am, who I am, and being OK with it. I guess that applies to this working-not-working situation as well.
The line of products I edit stresses the importance of Christian community. For me, it’s been such a blessing to have a whole community of mommy bloggers to ask for advice, no matter the situation. I’m proud to call OhAmanda my best blogging friend. 🙂 And as I enter this next phase, I’m relieved I’ll have “the troops” of SAHMs to help guide me a little on my way.
So, what’s your advice? Anyone make that transition from working outside the home to being a SAHM? Do you feel excluded in any part of the blogosphere?
Jessie has blogged for three years at VanderbiltWife.com, where she talks about being the worst housekeeper in the world, a full-time working mom, a wife, a daughter of God, and a foodie-wannabe. She lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband and eight-month-old daughter, Libbie.
Gayle Rogers says
I believe that any woman fortunate enough to be able to stay at home and raise their children are the most blessed women around, along with their family.
I had a career when my children were born but chose to drive a school bus so that I would be home with them throughout the day. It was the best decision I ever made. Money was less but who can buy quality time.
My daughter just had to go back to work, after her second child, and it is so hard on her and the children. Times are different now, but if you have the chance to stay home, take it!
another "SAHM" says
As always this is a very personal decision. When I wanted to retire from work to be with our daughter, I had a very supportive husband. He was willing to make the sacrifices of a lot less money with me. It has had it’s up’s and downs and takes some transition time for everyone.
I wouldn’t change my decision for anything. My time with the children has been very rewarding for me.
I too had doubts about being able to handle being with the child I had in daycare 8 hours a day, that someone else taught how to use a sippy cup etc. My daughter was 20 months old when I left the workforce.
The best advise I got was from my husband. He said plan out your day. Find something to do with our daughter that would allow me to meet other Mom’s. I had worked for over 10 years in a job that was very people oriented, and he didn’t want me to start to feel isolated. Also, all my friends worked, I did not know anyone that stayed at home in the daytime.
I missed being able to exercise,so I got the schedule to my local gym. I scheduled into my day 3 times a week a morning exercise class for me, and then naps and fun activities for my daughter like they did for her at daycare. This worked for both of us, as her day was still somewhat scheduled and I got to meet new people, make friends and have grown-up conversation.
When my son was born a year and a half later, I stressed out about how to do the things that the daycare workers did for my daughter. First solids, sippy cups, etc. It turned out fine. But I really think we all worry about these things regardless of our SAH or WM situation.
To wrap up: Like you prepare for a career, prepare to stay at home. Think through how to handle the transition, and how your days may be. Be sure to put in time for you in your day. Also I did put her in Mother’s Day out 2x a week, she was used to being with kids and I wanted to keep that part of her life similar. Talk with your husband about each of your roles and come to some agreements. Like: does he expect a full course meal each day when he comes home?(This one took me by surprise) Stuff like that.
Good luck with which path you decide to take! Many blessings!
Becky says
I was fortunate enough to stay at home with my son. My daughter started daycare at age 2, when I graduated and started teaching. I wouldn’t trade that stay at home time for anything. I still wish I could be a SAHM, but since my kids are in elementary and middle school, I’m not giving up my time with them to work. For me, if you have the possibility to be a sahm, financially, there is no question what the right choice is. Many people don’t have that option!
BTW, it’s nice to “meet” you! OhAmanda is one of my very bff IRL. 🙂 I just added your blog to my reader.
.-= Becky´s last blog ..Jenny’s Smoky Shredded Beef Tacos =-.
mandi says
I’ve done a combination of it all. With my first, I worked full time out of the home for the first 9 months. I also worked part-time from home with the same firm. Now with my daughther, I’m a full-time sahm. I can honestly say (from my opinion & experience anyways) that the the little saying “the grass is always greener on the other side” is so true!! Even now, 10mths later it’s still hard for me to adjust to be a fulltime sahm some days. I actually enjoyed my job alot so there’s alot about it I miss. But for me it came down to rather saying I miss working than I miss being at home with the kids (if that’s a possibility of course). But I also believe that just with everything else in life, we have seasons. So if you choose one path now it doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind or decide that something else is better for your or your family down the road.
No matter what, you’re a very bright woman … you love your family, your husband & child so with that & alot of prayer & thoughts you’ll make the right decision!!
.-= mandi´s last blog ..Have you laughed today? =-.
casual friday every day says
Your line about being a Mother period is hard work is true. I’ve worked part time outside of the home when my first son was a baby and that was hard. I’ve been a full time at home Mom for almost five years now and that is hard.
And I’ve also been a part time work at home Mom for that same amount of time, and as you can imagine that makes it even harder. I’ve come to realize, though, that no matter what you are (outside or inside Mom)it’s just as hard of a job.
Good luck on making that decision. I’m sure you can do it, but you’ll need to weigh all the pros and cons so you’ll know if you really WANT to do it.
Nell
.-= casual friday every day´s last blog ..these marbles =-.
Deb - Mom of 3 Girls says
Oh I can so relate to this post in so many ways! I always worked full-time outside of the house after my kids were born – as the main breadwinner and provider of health insurance I really had no other option. And when I started blogging 2 years ago, I noticed the same thing – how very many bloggers were SAHMs. I found myself searching out and relating to the other bloggers I found who also worked – not so much because I didn’t want to read the SAHM blogs (I did read very many of those too) but because I wanted to read and get to know other moms who knew exactly what I was going through every day (very similar to the first paragraph of your post – wow, did that bring back memories!).
For the past year, I have been ‘at home’ after being laid off from my job. It’s been a struggle in so many ways – to get used to parenting my kids 24/7, having to adjust to my hubby being home so much less while he works overtime to make up the difference in income, and not quite feeling like either a SAHM (since it’s not a permanent situation) or a WOHM (since I’m not currently working) right now. What I’ve found is that the house isn’t any cleaner – especially since we’re here much more to mess it up, dinner doesn’t get on the table any better (being home doesn’t make me enjoy cooking any more), and the laundry still piles up as much as it ever did. But it is wonderful to be able to take the kids places during the days, get them on and off the bus myself, not have to worry about who will stay home with them if someone gets sick, and so many other ways that I can be there for them right now. It’s absolutely the most difficult ‘job’ I’ve ever had, but also the most rewarding.
Sorry, didn’t mean to write a post in the comments here! But I loved reading your post and wish you the best of luck as you transition to being home. You will do great! 🙂
Vanderbilt Wife says
Thanks, y’all, so much for your comments. Deb, I am so glad someone can relate! I am also known to write essays in the comment section. 🙂
Thanks, Amanda, for giving me this chance to post on your blog!
Jessie
.-= Vanderbilt Wife´s last blog ..Family Recipe Fridays: D-Hall Feta Pasta =-.
oh amanda says
Jess: The part that hits me the most in your post is that you assume your daycare workers are more equipped to raise your daughter! Not so!! Granted, they might have more experience, but God chose you to be Libbie’s mama! You will be a great SAHM just like you are a great WOHM.
I’m with Mandi—this is a new season that you’ll grow with!
(Thanks again for guest posting today!)
.-= oh amanda´s last blog ..Guest Post: The Working Mom Verus The Stay At Home Mom =-.
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect says
As you know, I work full-time. And I have definitely had that feeling – the one where I’m relieved to hand her over and believe that I’m the least qualified person in our trio of caregivers (my husband, our babysitter and me). As a matter of fact, I’m home with Annalyn this afternoon – and since I have a lot of stuff to get done (which is, of course, difficult with her under foot and wanting attention!), I had a moment of dreading it. AWFUL!!! Not that I would trade today’s sweet moments for another mind-numbing day in the office. 🙂
Even though I don’t like my current job, I can’t imagine staying home. I really believe I’m made to be a working outside the home mom. BUT – I have plenty of days and nights where I feel the guilt, the regret, the sadness.
I think – from what I’ve heard from friends and read around the blogosphere – that no matter what decision a mother makes, it’s tough!
.-= Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect´s last blog ..I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date! =-.
Jamie says
I have always been a working mom – although I did stay at home with my daughter (first born) for the first four months before my schooling started back up. Honestly, I’m always “itching” to get back into the saddle of work after being a home for a while with an infant. But of course, once that day comes I’m second-guessing my decision. I do love being a working mom though – I love serving as a role model to my daughter and proving to her that she can do anything she sets her mind to. I finished my bachelor’s degree and worked two jobs go make ends meet for our family when she was very young. I also like having the adult interaction and feeling as though my husband and I always have interesting topics to chat about at the end of our day. Excellent work benefits and perks don’t hurt either.
It definitely has it’s downsides too though – like the stress of our evening routine when everyone returns from work and the stress of getting everyone out the door in the mornings. But I am fortunate enough to have a flexible work schedule that allows me to take time off when I need it and to even work from home occesionally if one of the kids aren’t feeling well. I also feel pangs of guilt for not doing more with my kiddos – like taking them to the park for a picnic for lunch or taking them to the pool more often. Somedays it’s a struggle to spend that coveted 15 minutes along with each of them after work!
I think in the end though, even if my husband and I could afford for me to stay home full time I still wouldn’t choose to. I love my career, I love my colleagues, as well as love my family. And I make it all work not because I have to but because I want to.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..They’re Heeeeeere…. =-.
LaVonne says
I had many of the same feelings when I realized I was quiting work to stay at home when my daughter was born. And I can’t lie. It is hard. Very hard. Working was actually easier for me. But it is worth it. I can’t imagine someone else watching her all day. I feel blessed to be able to stay home, especially during these difficult financial times. Blessings to you for such a great guest post!
.-= LaVonne´s last blog ..Robin Hood, "Tea", and Chocolate of course! =-.
Emily from Mommin It Up says
I loved this post… couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you!
.-= Emily from Mommin It Up´s last blog ..Randomness =-.
Bradi says
So, here’s my deal. I had an intense job in advertising, which i was very proud of by the by, and left to become a stay-at-home mom. While it was an obvious choice for me to make at the time I’m not sure it was the right one. I’m a worker at heart and I lost a piece of myself during those years that I devoted exclusively to my kids. I put myself last which was entirely my doing.
I have lived on both sides of the grass is always greener cliche. We can do both. We can have both. Maybe not on the same day or at the same time, but it is possible. Having returned to work to follow my passion in helping moms to succeed, I have never been happier and my kids have never been more proud, of me.
Push through it and just embrace the chaos. Loved reading your piece!
Bradi
Co-Founder
MyWorkButterfly.com
.-= Bradi´s last blog ..The Family Coach Method: You define what your children believe about themselves =-.
clistyb says
Amanda is absolutely right, there is NO daycare provider that can Mom-it better than you can. Also, please dont let yourself think about ‘letting the working moms down’ by staying at home. The only people you need to think about while making this decision is your husband and Libby. Everyone else can go fly a kite if they dont like your decision.
One month into SAHM-ing and you will be saying to yourself, “how on earth did I manage to work outside the home?” Its funny how that works.
Remember, these are precious years, they go fast.
.-= clistyb´s last blog ..You May Think This Is A Little Like Groundhog’s Day =-.
Brandi says
Great post, Jessie! I worked FT until Wog was 9 months old. Now, I work 11 hours a week. Sometimes I wish I worked more, sometimes I wish I worked less. It really all depends on my mood and the kids’ behavior. 🙂
I will say this, leaving FT work was hard. Very hard. I didn’t have a lot of support at the time, other than my husband. Most everyone thought I was crazy and that it wouldn’t last. (Obviously, I didn’t really strike anyone as the motherly type!) But I’ve lasted two and a half years and I’m not sure I ever want to return to the FT work force.
The beautiful thing is that it’s not permanent, either way. If you stay at home and don’t like it, you can get a job. And vice-versa. Don’t let what another person might think influence your decision. (Yes, it’s much easier said than done.)
Despite all the “Mommy Wars” talk, we are fortunate to be raising our children in a time where neither SAHMs nor WOHMs are taboo. We all know that parenting is hard. We can’t do it all the same. We do what we have to do to raise good kids. You are a smart girl. You are a loving wife and mother. You find your groove and you’ll excel. And if you don’t, think of all the bloggy fodder you’ll have. 🙂
Emily E. says
I work outside the home full-time. And I love it about 90% of the time- but then there are days where all I want to do is be at home snuggling with my daughter. Because of a new job my husband has taken, I’ll probably be able to make the switch to SAHM in the next year. I’m very excited about it. But I’m also really going to miss working. I LOVE my job. And my daughter is very social (a trait she surely picked up from her father)- she thrives in the daycare setting. And I won’t lie- it’s nice to not have to be the caretaker 24/7.
And, yet, I really can’t wait to make the switch to SAHM.
.-= Emily E.´s last blog ..kebhouse: I’m sooooo glad it’s Friday. =-.
Deborah says
First let me say…Jessie is great! I stepped into her shows in my current position and she was a great teacher.
I’ve done both, SAHM & currently WOHM. My heart longs to go home, but that is not where God wants me right now, so I’ve learned to be content in this state. Of course, my babies are 15 and 20, so they don’t really “need” me at home, other than to provide food and wake them up for work. (I never thought I would enjoy the day when both kids were working & me and the husband get to stay home…but it’s great!)
If at all possible….stay home with your little ones!!! I loved it and wouldn’t trade anything in the world for that time together. Today, my kids need me in a different way. They need me to be able to pay for their cars and student loans. They respect the fact that I am scarficing for them. They see what a strain it is on me to work away from home. So it’s changed how we react to each other. We have so much fun together.
My husband is not in a position where he can change jobs that would make more money because of insurance and his cancer. He has to stay where he is so that he can have insurance, which means I can’t leave my job. So he picks up the slack for me. He cooks all the time, he does the laundry and still does all the guy stuff..yard, cars, & garden. My kids help him and me and take care of their own laundry and cleaning around the house, even financially by paying for some of the extras they like having around.
I sometimes feel quilty that I’m not doing enough at home, but they support me so that I can also work in the church and lead Bible studies and teach. When I have to do some studing at home…they give me that time.
I guess what I’m saying…we lift each other up and support each other, all of us. And God has blessed us all because we were willing to be in the place that He called us to be in for however long a time.
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..Blog Surfing Today =-.
Stacy says
Jessie –
As you know, I am about to make this transition as well and the same thoughts have haunted me. What if, after 6 years of praying to stay home, I’m just not good at it? I read with longing blogs from SAHMs who have spent the day at the pool or had wonderful, lazy, stay-in-your-pjs days and think how much I want that. Then I worry…will I be bored? Will I still be me or will my brain turn to mush? It’s a scary transition.
Thank you for being honest enough to be scared too.
.-= Stacy´s last blog ..Sometimes…He’s behind us. =-.
Beth@Not a Bow in Sight says
I worked for four years while my first two kids were babies. I prayed my way through those years and longed to be at home.
At first the transition to being at home was scary. I didn’t know what I was doing. I called my mom A LOT. Then, just as I was getting used to things I got pregnant with my third!
Now I have been at home for two years. I pray my way through these years too. I am happy with my decision. My kids need me more than they need anything I could give them working outside the home.
Good luck in your new adventure at home. And stop by my blog…all are welcome!!
.-= Beth@Not a Bow in Sight´s last blog ..My Three Sons- At One Year Old =-.
Colorado Nurse Practitioners Gig says
Perfect work you have done, this web site is really cool with superb information.
Faith Zollicoffer says
This site doesn’t render correctly on my apple iphone – you might want to try and repair that
Kindle free books says
I’m glad that I found your post and your blog – will be bookmarking your blog! Thanks!
diddybeats headphones says
Good – I should definitely pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related info ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, web site theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Nice task..
kore dizileri izle says
Amazing submit admin thank you. I observed what i used to be looking for right here. I’ll review whole of posts in such a evening
Eugenia says
I required for this weblog submit admin definitely thanks i will glimpse your future sharings i bookmarked your webpage
online gambling says
I truly agree, in every sense of the word.
Buy Kindle Canada says
Great informational blog! I love your writing style – Awesome work Thank you!