Someone Save Me From Elementary School

It’s day 4 of Vacation Bible School. The preschool kids are doing Crocodile Dock (you’ve probably seen the signs near you, it’s a popular one!) and the elementary aged kids are doing a Performing Arts Camp. At the Performing Arts Camp, they take classes like Prop Building, Guitar, Choir, Solo, Drama, etc. (There are some games and crafts in there, too.) Then on Friday night the kids present the play/musical that they’ve been working on for all the parents.

I’m just a Coach at the Performing Arts Camp. So, I hang out with a group of about 10 kids for all the large group activities. During classes, I am assisting my bff, Staci with “teaching” her classes: Drama, Sign Language and Cheerleading. I put teaching in quotes because half the time Staci and I are staring at each other with “what in the world should we do” expressions on our faces.

Drama is easy. We help the lead characters of the play learn their lines, deliver them with flair and block their scenes. In sign language, we’re teaching a group of kids signs for a particular song. (You know I’m a fan of signing!) But cheerleading. Oh, cheerleading. Not my forte. I took gymnastics back in the day. But cheerleading? No rah-rah-ing here!

So, we made up a cheer for the girls to do. And by “made up” I mean, MADE UP. And the girls think it is the absolute best thing they have ever done in their entire lives. They probably think we are professional cheerleading coaches. I kid you not. They do their cheers all the way down the hall at the top of their lungs. They want to practice more than we do. I’m telling you, they LOVE it!

Now all these classes are pretty fun. I’m hanging out with Staci for two hours, so no matter what we do, it’s gonna be fun. It’s the next hour or so that tests my sanity. I take my team (ten plus kids) to the playground and then to lunch. I guess I haven’t been around elementary school students for awhile. I think they are from another planet. Here’s just a little bit of what I’ve done the past four days:

I spent 15 minutes trying to explain that cheating is wrong. They did not believe me. They did not agree that “sharing answers” was wrong. At all. They refused to believe it and looked at me like I was an alien. I had to break up a playground-wide he-thinks-she-thinks-he-thinks-he-likes-her debacle.Which included banning the use of the girl’s name and the boy’s name in the same sentence. I have repeated myself more times than not. I have repeated myself more times than not.

Once as Staci and I were walking down the hall and every child in the building was running to their designated spot to wait for their Coach (running to wait…), I said, “Wouldn’t you love to see yourself at this age?” I would SO love to know how I behaved.  I’m not trying to say they are all bad and disobedient. They aren’t. Most of them are sweet and having the time of their lives. But they are seriously like a completely other breed of human. Does Lydia really have to grow up to be 5th grade girl? Does Asa really have to be a sweaty 8 year old one day?

Oh, but my favorite confession of the day: “Noah told me to kick my friend, Paul. So, I did…but very lightly. And Paul whined about it!” My response, “The next time someone tells you to kick someone. Do not take their advice.”

I mean, really.


  1. This made me giggle! Sounds like it’s been an interesting week.

  2. no no no – MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!! {{ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!}}

  3. I have to agree with Leigh – middle school is worse. Oh, so much worse.

  4. I have to say the most fun part was Monday when I was helping to contain all of the crying preschool kids. Thank goodness most of the crying has subsided. My 3 yr old was not happy seeing me comforting other children.

  5. Yep…pretty much sums it up!! One more day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. I am currently ear-deep in preschool crafts! We’re doing Crocodile Dock too! I do believe I would crack with all the drama, b/c our Youth helpers are pretty much giving me a complex.

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