Did you ever read The Five Love Languages? My husband and I did a small group with this book and it was very enlightening to say the least. The concept is that everyone “speaks” and “responds” in love languages. When your spouse doesn’t “speak” that same language your “love tank” can get empty and anger, hurt and resentment can set in.
For example, my husband’s love language is 100% physical touch. When I hold his hand at the mall or put my head on his shoulder, he knows I love him. I could personally care less about that. I mean, I like a good hug and kiss as same as the next person, but it doesn’t “fill up” my love tank! When I took the test to see what my language was, I actually TIED with three: acts of service, quality time and gifts. What can I say? I’m a high maintenance girl!
But since that initial test, I think my real language is quality time. Not just hours of time together watching tv. But when we are together, I want my husband paying attention to me and our household. When he’s on the phone the first 30 minutes he’s home, he might as well just not be there, you know?
After I fisnished the love language book, it was hard for me. I kept thinking, “Doesn’t he remember MY love language?! He knows how aggravated he gets when I don’t speak his. What about MINE?” See the problem?
Well, this is the motivation for Gary Chapman’s newest book, Love As A Way of Life. This book takes the love languages a step further. It’s not just a marriage book…it’s for any relationship in your life. Here’s part of an interview with Dr. Chapman & his description of the book,
Love as a Way of Life is designed to help the person who sincerely wants to make a positive impact in the world. I believe that is ‘most of us.’ Our biggest problem is that we don’t know how and we keep getting tripped up by our own selfish ambitions. The purpose of the book is to help us break free from the prison of selfishness and come to experience the satisfaction of truly loving others as a way of life. It is little acts of love that build up to a lifestyle of service.
There is nothing I want more than to have a lifestyle of service and model it for my family. The book covers the following qualities that will be strategies for a loving lifestyle: kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and honesty. And hopefully, like Dr. Chapman says, the result of taking this book to heart will be a real and genuine focus on others…
When love becomes the focus of ones life it will change every encounter we have with people. In the family, the husband is thinking, “what can I do before I leave for work that would be helpful for my wife?” Such thinking may lead him to take the trash out, put his breakfast plates in the dishwasher or feed the baby while his wife takes a shower. In the workplace, employees are asking, “on my break, what might I do that would help someone else?” They will also make time to listen to a co-worker who seems to be having a hard time with a personal issue. At the bank, post office, or cafeteria, the lover will look people in the eye and smile, perhaps opening the door to a conversation. They will express interest in what is going on in the lives of those they encounter.The focus is not on “it’s all about me.” But, rather on “It is all about others.”
Sound like something you need? I know I do! Well, I’ve got TWO copies from Random House/Doubleday to give away to you! All you have to do is leave a comment on this post. In your comment let me know if you’ve ever read The Five Love Languages…and if so, what’s your love language? (You know, so I can start speaking it!) If you don’t know it, you can head over to Dr. Chapman’s website and take the 30 second quiz! Try it!
I’ll pick a winner this weekend!
COMMENTS CLOSED. WINNER ANNOUNCED (somewhere up top…)
OK…I did this with Derek, and Mark Brague when we got married! Im a gift girl…Which leads me to why I want the book! 🙂
I haven’t read the book, but on the quiz I was a Quality Time girl! I’d love to win this! Thanks for sharing, Amanda!
I’ve read the book — before my husband and I got married. We’re BOTH physical touch people… very unusual for both in a couple to speak the same love language. AND we’re “equally strong” in the physical touch love language. Awesome giveaway… and I’ll definitely read the book even if I don’t win the giveaway. (I love the library.)
I read the five love languages, matt’s was totally physical touch…
This book sounds interesting.
I also want to read the one for kids. I think I know what their love languages are, but it would be a good book to read.
I’ve been seeing a lot about that book latley and I want to get it. I did the test on the website and it would seem I love reciveing gifts 🙂
Can you be a little bit of ALL of them?!?! Hmmmm…hard for me to pick just one.
I have met Dr Chapman a few times because my dad (www.familybuilders.net) has worked with him and brought him in to do the Love Languages seminar and he is a FABULOUS speaker! The first time I met him I was dating my husband and I remember Dr. Chapman asking Erik, “So what are your intentions with this relationship”—it was great! It still took us another 2 years to get married…anyhoo, my love language is probably a tie between quality time and words of affirmation. Erik’s is acts of service… which is the HARDEST for me. What usually ends up happening is that I clean up or do the dishes (act of service for Erik) and then I go and find him and tell him what I did so that he can tell me how much he appreciates it (words of affirmation for me!).
We did this last summer in sunday school but don’t remember what I was (sad, but true!)…and the 30 sec. quiz results didn’t ring a bell. 😉 I’ll have to get back to you. I have the book at home, but might be picking up this new one you speak of… –When love becomes the focus of ones life it will change every encounter we have with people. In the family, the husband is thinking, “what can I do before I leave for work that would be helpful for my wife?” — Wouldn’t that be a dream??? Especially since I’m heading out to work too! I just ordered “Sacred Marriage” and “Sacred Influence” to read…have you read those?
I am a “gifts” person and my DH is also physical touch. I can always tell when he is mad at me because he refuses to touch me in any way. I have a small guilt complex about being a gifts person…LOL. But, it is what it is.
I SO NEED TO READ THIS BOOK!
When HH and I did this study six or so years ago, my LL was OVERWHELMINGLY gifts (his- physical touch, such a man!).
So speak away!
I am a Quality Time girl myself. I have a little post-it note near my computer reminding me of my whole family’s love languages because otherwise I get a little caught up in why people AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION TO ME. 🙂
BTW, did you know there is a Love Languages book for kids? It’s really interesting!
Hey Amanda,
I have not read that book, but I remember you talking about it a while back and I kept meaning to ask you the name of it. HA – got my answer!!!
Without ever having read it, I can probably tell I’m a physical touch/quality time person. Hold my hand and talk to me please 🙂
Some things look wonky on your site, Amanda… I hope this comment goes through…
I’ve read the 5 Love Languages, and mine are quality time and acts of service and gifts, too! Josh’s are physical touch and acts of service.
How funny, Lesley was just telling me last week that I need to read this book! How cool would it be if I actually won it?
I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be recieving gifts Dave will 100% be physical touch.
I should read this… I am an acts of service girl… nothing warms my heart more than my husband doing the dishes or the laundry, just because…whew, I swoon! 😉 And my husband is definitely physical touch, no doubt about it. Hope I win! 🙂
Gifts… it’s gifts. I LOVE that book…
And to tell you how badly I need to read his new book, would mean I’d have to tell you all of the junk in my life right now… So, here’s hoping.
I found you through CreatureBug… I am all about words of affirmation and would love to own a copy of the book you are giving away!!
Thanks for the link to the quiz. I have always wanted to read that book. I understand there is also a book about what your child’s love language is (that’s actually the first love language book I ever knew about), and I’d like to read that, too. I already feel my love language might be acts of service. I am just *so* touched when somebody does something, no matter how small, for me! It’s like I can’t believe they would do that for me.
Ooh! I’m excited about this book! It sounds good.
My love languages are words of affirmation and gifts. (So, make sure you give me a card with my gifts! Just kidding!)
Ok, I’m thinking I am Quality Time….I have heard great things about this book. I do have the Five Love Languages and believe I have read it…right now I’m reading the one for Kids and it’s GREAT!!! 🙂 Thanks Amanda for a great giveaway!! 🙂
Looks like I’m a Quality Time gal. I have not read this book but it looks really interesting, I’d love to read it.
My love language is most definitely quality time! I would so love to read this book!
I think that mine are quality time and acts of service. My husbands must be gifts b/c he’s always buying the kids and I stuff. Not that I am complaining mind you . . .